May 20, 2025
Balancing the Pendulum: Finding Harmony in Emotional Healing
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Balancing the Pendulum: Finding Harmony in Emotional Healing
In this episode of Practically Magic, host Courtney Pearl explores the importance of balance in our emotional and relational lives, using the metaphor of a swinging pendulum. Courtney announces new online classes available on her Practically Magic and Prism Healing websites, aimed at helping individuals create rituals and engage with sacred spaces. She pulls a card from the Gaia Oracle deck, highlighting the importance of self-esteem and community.
Through anecdotes of two contrasting friends, Courtney discusses how people's past experiences and astrological signs can influence their approach to relationships and self-care. She emphasizes the need to balance giving and setting boundaries to avoid resentment. Courtney also encourages reflection on personal energy investment and mentions the benefits of energy healing alongside traditional therapy. The episode wraps up with gratitude for sponsors and production support, urging listeners to bring more magic into their lives.
00:00 Welcome and Exciting Announcements
01:27 Pulling a Card from the Gaia Deck
03:38 The Sunshine Community and Solar Plexus Connection
06:07 The Pendulum of Caring: Two Friends, Two Extremes
11:27 Balancing the Pendulum: Personal Reflections
33:19 Energy Healing and Emotional Processing
35:40 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
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Hello, and welcome to this episode of Practically Magic.
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I am your host Courtney Pearl.
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I am acting as a emotional and energy healer today as we talk about.
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The pendulum that swings.
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And before we get into it, I just wanna say that I have some really exciting announcements.
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We have some online classes available that will be on the practically magic website and also linked to my Prism Healing website.
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These.
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Classes are online, meant to teach beginners and experienced magical practitioners, how to create your own rituals and spells how to create sacred spaces, such ASARs, and how to engage with those sacred spaces.
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Connecting yourself spiritually with land, with yourself, with source.
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And I'm offering those classes, which will be available live on Zoom, but also available to, uh, will be available to purchase.
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So take a look at the practically magic, that's practically magic.com
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or Prism Healing.
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Prism healing.com,
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and it will link you to those classes available if you are interested in taking a class to help you engage more meaningfully and magically with the world.
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So with that, let's get into.
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Our episode today, we are going to start by pulling a card.
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And since I am in my cave recording today, I'm gonna pull from the Gaia deck that's behind me.
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I have my altar set up here in the corner.
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This is where I do morning meditations, morning prayer, things like that.
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Morning pages.
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And so that's also where I record.
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Lemme grab that for you.
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I have a card set out for, uh, for the week or for the day, depending on how often I feel called to pull a card.
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And I love this deck for that purpose.
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And so I'm gonna use it for our episode today.
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It is the Gaia Oracle.
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I'll show on the video for YouTube Watchers can see what the deck looks like.
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Of course, you know, I pick my cards based almost entirely on the artwork.
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I love when illustrators, painters, and artists are called to make some beautiful artwork for divination purposes and.
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You know, sometimes AI is a good tool to help us out when we need it, but it does not completely compete with natural beauty, even imperfections.
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And isn't that interesting that we've gotten into a world where imperfections are more valuable, more original, more natural than.
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What perfect perfectionism, what a computer can make.
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Not that I don't think AI can be used in a lot of beautiful, amazing things, too.
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All right.
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Time to pull the card for today's episode.
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I know what our topic is about, but let's see what the card has to say.
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Oh, this is beautiful.
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It is the sunshine.
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I am an ambassador for the Sunshine Community here in Daybreak, south Jordan, local area, and we just had our.
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Business in bloom ribbon cutting for the sunshine community that is now an LLC organization and they really help support people, uh, women in business in particularly.
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So just creating a community where people can, um, lift each other up, spread sunshine out to the world.
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We talked a lot about how this connects us with our solar plexus and our self-esteem.
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And that when we build that part of ourselves, we are also building our self-confidence and our ability to feel like we make contribution into the world.
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And I think that's a really great symbol for what the Sunshine community is all about.
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And this, uh, this card says, thinking of you, a loving thought, serendipity.
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I think that's really fascinating because it is actually going to, uh.
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Kind of segue really well into our topic today, which I wrote down a few weeks ago.
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I was, um, out for a walk.
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It's starting to, the weather's starting to be good.
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Nice.
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Here in South Jordan and in Daybreak, Utah.
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And we are just, daybreak is the neighborhood.
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I live in South Jordan, but it is.
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Starting to be really good weather.
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I've actually been taking a little baggie of, um, dog food with me in my pack when I go for long walks around because there are some ravens that live where the construction and where schools are and where the tracks are.
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So when I walk by those areas, I'm really hoping that I can leave some treats for the ravens and maybe they will, uh, recognize me as the treat lady and they'll.
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They'll be my friend, basically trying to be a friend.
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The local, uh, feathered creatures, um, Ravens in particular are my favorites.
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So yeah, so it's been really nice, beautiful time to go around and I was, I was walking and I was thinking, you know, I was thinking about two particular people that I know in my life.
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Two people I love.
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Love wholeheartedly look up to, um, they inspire me, they help me.
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But I was thinking about how massively different these two people are.
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And I've kind of talked about this in an episode previously in season one, where I talked about what it was like to live between the Shannons, right? Um, the story about how I lived between a Shannon who lives next to me, who taught.
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Was in the classroom next to me on one side and the other, Shannon on the other side, and they were so different, but, so each uniquely wonderful.
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I learned so much about this balance of in between.
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And so, as I said, today we're gonna talk a little bit about the pendulum and how it really can.
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Swing really far to one side and really far to the other side.
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And that the energy of that while being mindful of it, we can, um, create more balance even just with understanding where am I, maybe possibly swinging the pendulum too far one way or the other.
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And it's actually causing, uh, causing me problems where.
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I could actually help that drinking my coffee this morning.
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So forgive me if you hear me.
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Um, and those who can watch on video, I have my Vincent Van Gogh cup that, uh, I bought because, uh, Vincent Van Gogh's one of my favorite artists.
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So I have these two friends and they each are.
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Just wholeheartedly putting their heart into everything that they do care a lot about their community care, a lot about other people, but one has sort of.
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Learned to protect herself in such a way that possibly because of her life experiences, possibly a little bit because of the astrological signs that she is in her sun, moon, and rising.
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If you don't remember what that was about, go listen to the episode about Cambria.
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Uh.
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Came and talked to us about astrology, but I've learned a lot since meeting her about how astrological signs really do affect a lot of aspects as to how we get our needs met, how we show up in the world, right? And this friend, maybe because of her, her signs, maybe because of many, many, many, many thousands and millions of different moments and synopses in her brain and everything that is because.
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Created her to be who she is.
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She is a little bit more like I don't care about what other people think of me.
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And some might perceive this as selfish or really direct when someone invites her to something like, Hey, um, I have, you know, my business is putting on an event this weekend.
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Can I count you in? Are you gonna be there? She will flat out say, no, I'm not doing that.
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I don't have time.
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Uh, no apologies.
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No.
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Um, which.
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I don't think there should be.
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I'm not saying that there should be apologies for that.
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I'm just saying she's really good at absolutely holding a boundary where she needs to, she does not do anything she feels obligated to do.
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Um, just out of obligation.
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Um.
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She's very direct.
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She, it might come across to some people that she doesn't care, but I know she does, and she's very good at trimming the fat, if you will.
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Like, um, if something's a waste of time, if something she doesn't see the value in it, um, it's gonna get cut out of her schedule and it might hurt feelings, but.
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It just needs to be done.
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It needs to be handled that way.
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Right When in comparison, I have this other friend who.
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Because of things that she's experienced in her life and some of that being trauma, some of the things that relationships that she's had, and again, quite potentially the astrological science that she is.
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She cares so much, and when I say she cares so much, I don't even mean that, you know.
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We all care about what we're doing about people in our lives.
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I mean that she really, really, really, truly does not want to upset or, uh, offend anyone.
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She goes above and beyond out of her way.
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Um.
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She wants very much to connect with people, uh, and it's all about connection.
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She's very interested in everybody's lives and almost to the point where she's overwhelmed with people.
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She's taken care of.
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She has so many different business interactions, personal friendships, and she's just spread herself very wide.
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Um, again, no judgment, nothing about this is right or wrong, just an observation I've noticed about certain kinds of people and I think that any one of you could pick out someone in your life that you know that is like this.
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And I started to reflect on how it feels to be friends with different types of people, uh, that.
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Someone could be really far into the caring about absolutely everything realm, or the pendulum can swing all the way over into I, um, I don't care at all.
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I only care about the things that I actually care about and everything else kind of I'm can easily be let go and very discerning, very discerning about what.
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Deserves that kind of energy, attention and focus.
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And as opposed to on the other side, everything needing that kind of energy and intensity and focus and attention given to it.
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Now, for each side there is a payoff, obviously, um, with one side being that you can have control.
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You can have some certainty.
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You can have some, uh, really intentional experiences and relationships.
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You're not gonna have close relationships with everybody.
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You're going to be very focused and mindful of the, of the close friendships and relationships that you want to have in your life and that those matter most and they get priority and that's wonderful.
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On the other side.
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The payoff being you matter to so many people.
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People rely on you.
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People know that you can get the job done.
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People seek you out when they need help or need something that you can offer.
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You feel important, you feel significant.
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You feel bursts of oxytocin from feeling so loved and um, and spreading that love to everyone else.
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There is also a cost on each side of the pendulum because when you're very discerning and you're very quick to judge what's what's important and what's not, you might be missing out also on really close personal relationships that you are not seeing the value of and potentially missing opportunities that could.
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Ultimately be exactly what you need.
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Sometimes when we enga engage with things, situations, relationships that are uncomfortable, that trigger us, that make us feel, it can be an act of avoidance.
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To cut that out quickly and to just focus on the things that are important to us or that we perceive as important to us at the time.
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So there might be really valuable relationships and really valuable experiences, even uncomfortable experiences that can delight and that can teach and that can be painful.
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The.
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Are all experiences that our growth and our human experience needs to have.
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So I would say that although being discerning is a quality, I try to, uh, emulate as much as possible.
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I need more of that kind of discernment in my life to balance me out, that I could see that there is a cost and a payoff for that that needs to be.
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Considered so that in anyone's life as something really difficult maybe does happen, something with relationships, something where those close relationships they have cultivated goes.
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Awry at some point, which it ultimately always does in some way, shape, or form.
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'cause that's, that's what having relationships is all about.
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They might not have the tools and the conflict resolution and the experiences of that discomfort from avoiding it for so long.
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That could be a cost.
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Now swinging back over to the other side, being so openly caring and caring so much about everyone and everything, it's kind of like this energy of, um, I am always trying so hard to do the right thing.
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I want to always be doing the right thing.
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And in my experience as a healer, as um, a facilitator, as a guide, as a coach, whatever, I don't necessarily refer to myself as a coach.
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I think other people fill that title much better than I do.
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But I have seen so many experiences where people trying to do the right thing and get to a point in life where we're invited to look at what that is.
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Then we have to decide what even is the right thing.
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Is there such a thing as right, is there such a thing as wrong? Is there such a thing as maybe just aligned with where I need to be, um, where I'm supposed to be or what my path is and not aligned? I have learned to start cutting out the words right and wrong from my vocabulary when describing things because.
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What is right, what is wrong? Um, we were taught in church growing up and schools and from our parents that there's a right way to act and a wrong way to act, and a right way to do math, and a wrong way to do math.
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And then as time goes on and experiences happen, we realize that there's actually multiple ways to do something and not a right or wrong way to do it, and that what someone else calls wrong.
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Is it truth that they've adopted? It's not necessarily a universal truth.
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So in my opinion, and again this is my podcast, so gospel according to Courtney, right? I think eliminating the judgment of what is right, what is wrong, because I am in alignment with loving people.
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Respecting people, respecting the quality of life, respecting property.
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So I don't go around murdering people and stealing stuff.
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That's not right or wrong.
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It's saying I align with that and that's how, that's how I identify or de define that for myself.
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So when we are working so hard to do the right thing, we start to ask ourselves questions.
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Well, if I work really, really, really, really, really, really hard and I always do the right thing, and I always, um.
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I always extend myself really far into a space of, uh, I will dishonor myself to honor others.
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I will go above and beyond.
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I will always hold space for everyone.
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No matter what.
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No matter what I feel, no matter what's going on with me, I will always hold space for everyone.
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Then you start to realize that.
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The certainty that you're looking for, which a lot of people are e either consciously or subconsciously, we're looking for the certainty that if I'm always there for everyone else, they'll be there for me when I need them.
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And if I always do the right thing, nothing bad can happen to me.
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Right, because who would harm me or do something offensive to me if I'm always doing the right thing for everyone else, it protects me in some way.
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Now, you can argue that that's not why you might do that.
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Oh, I don't do the right thing just so that I'll get things, or I'll be protected, or I will, you know, for selfish reason, reasons.
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But the truth is there is a reason we.
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Engage with that kind of energy.
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And some of it is subconsciously you do wanna be protected in some way.
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I know that when I was, uh, young in middle school and very much an outcast and trying to figure out who were my friends and where would I gain a group of friends I could readily hang out with and would invite me to things.
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It was very difficult in a small town and being the new kid, so.
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I went through a very tough time and I remember thinking, if I'm really, really nice to everyone, just really nice.
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How can that possibly go wrong? I will make friends.
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People will like me and they will say, oh yeah, Courtney, she's so nice.
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It can't possibly go wrong, right? Middle school.
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Can you guess what happened? I bet you can.
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I was so nice to every person I met, every girl, every boy, every person.
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I just said, oh my gosh, I love your outfit today.
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And um, I just went around being exceptionally nice.
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Well that stunk, I mean, wreaked of desperation.
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And as you might guess, not a whole lot of people were turned on or attracted to that kind of energy.
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Um, they were nice back to me, but did they invite me to things? Did they eat lunch with me? Did they.
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Engage with me.
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Uh, start friendships with me.
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Connect with me.
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Not really, no.
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It was a long road through high school trying to find out where do I belong, where do I fit in? Turns out it was with the theater kids, because that's where us weirdos go.
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Well, wow.
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Weirdos are pretty accepting of each other.
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No matter how desperate The point I'm trying to make is.
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Doing the right thing or being in an energy or space where you're always caring so much about what other people think of you or what you are doing for other people, even to the point of dishonoring yourself to honor them, which you'll remember back in the episode about codependency.
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We talked about that dynamic in relationships.
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It isn't a foolproof, safe plan of protection against harm, against people being mean to you, letting you down.
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And what I've realized is that with certain people, and I was thinking of certain people as I came up with this dynamic, one extreme and the other, but the truth is I've come across this.
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Many times in my life where there are people who are so much wanting to, uh, be my friend, do things for me.
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Um, I'll do this for you, I'll do that for you.
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Uh, even giving me gifts, uh, which in the past has been uncomfortable for me.
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I will admit it's hard for me to receive gifts, but I will tell you why, when that kind of energy is presented to me.
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I know that subconsciously or somewhere deep down, they are going to want that same level of commitment and connection to be reciprocated.
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I know myself well enough to know I won't be able to keep up with that energy.
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I consider myself a good friend.
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But I also have boundaries as far as what I'm willing to do, how available I am, or, um, I'm not a very good gift giver.
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I'll be honest.
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I have given gifts when I found things or saw things that I think, um.
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Reminded me of them or something that they wanted or needed.
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But as far as remembering people's birthdays and giving them birthday cards, you can go ahead and ask my kids grandparents and the grandmas that are really good at sending cards for every holiday and everything.
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I completely forget to do things like that.
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I have my kids' school pictures still cut out and ready to send out to family.
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From three years ago, two years ago last year, that I still need to send out.
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I'm terrible at that kind of stuff and you know, I get around to it when I remember to do it, but I'm just not good at that.
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So I know myself.
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I know that I will never match the kind of intensity and connection and commitment and loyalty.
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Well, loyalty.
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Loyalty I have in spades.
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Let's be honest about that.
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Because of my astrological signs and my experiences and who I am, I am very loyal.
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I do not cut people out of my life readily or easily.
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I am willing to give people lots of chances, and I'm pretty.
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Uh, I'm not offended very easily, so someone can do a lot of things and I'm like, me, it is what it is.
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I'm sure they had their reasons.
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I don't get offended easily.
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I mean, you can stand me up.
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You can, you could do a lot of things and I would still be your friend.
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So that's just me.
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But.
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I do get uncomfortable when people are reaching out to me in such a way where I know subconsciously they're going to want me to engage the same way, and that they will feel disappointed or they will perceive that I don't care as much as they do if they are giving and, um.
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Putting that much energy into the relationship.
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So I've watched dynamics and relationships, and by the way, this is a perfect time of year to be talking about this because this is the time of year in the cycles that we're in to be talking about peer groups and relationships within those groups and communities.
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It's about, uh.
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How do we engage with each other in such a way that you can be honest and open and you can be compassionate and curious about each other.
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So I can see where I get a little, Hmm.
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I'm not sure if right is the right word, but a little bit, uh, uncomfortable when someone is.
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Giving me so much, and I will tell them, you're so good at this.
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You, this gift you've given me is so amazing and beautiful and wonderful.
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I hope I can reciprocate someday, but I'm not really great at this, so I hope you'll forgive me or you'll, you'll understand me that I give in different ways.
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Um, I give as.
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In, in ways of gathering people to my home and having gatherings and opportunities to connect and talk and, um, inviting people to things and going with them places and inviting them to come to me, come with me to places, you know, spending time.
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I guess you could say quality time is my love language.
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That's the way that I choose to perceive a relationship or a friendship.
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Then, you know, what is given to me.
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And so I am bringing this up today for today's episode so that each person can maybe take a moment, this is maybe the first time I've ever done this, but take a moment to reflect on how much energy, time, attention, mental thought, mental load.
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How much do I give to relationships, business friendships, any kinds of relationships where I perceive it as not being reciprocated back to me? We are not asking people to be apathetic.
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The energy level, level of apathy is only a level 50 in the chart that talks about the energy levels in, um, in power versus force.
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Out of 1,050 is not very much.
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So we're not asking you to stay apathetic.
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Like I just don't care.
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I don't care about anything.
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I don't care about anybody.
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I'm saying care as much as you want without any expectation of what other people can do for you or what they, um.
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What they'll offer you back and perceiving them as not caring if they don't reciprocate in the same energy level that you are giving.
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Give as much as you can give to a relationship without resentment.
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So be mindful of when something crosses into, I'm gonna do this thing for them, but they're never gonna do it for me back.
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Or when are they gonna do for me what I did for them? And if it crosses into that realm, which it has for me many times, even in just, um, relationships with organizations and groups that I'm a part of where I'm like, oh my gosh, I've been doing and doing and doing and giving and giving and giving.
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And then when I have something going on and I need people to show up for me, I don't have people showing up for me, not in the way that I, I need or would like.
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Now that is an opportunity for me to reflect, not for me to get upset at them, if that makes sense.
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So when you move into a space, and this works really well with marriages, as we talked about with, uh, in the episode with Brenda Olfer and the relationship coach, she talked a little bit about this.
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She taught me a lot about this.
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When it comes to me and my relationship with my spouse was I can't always be expecting him to show up.
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In all the same ways that I do engaging with the mental load and the physical load of running the house and parenting the children and all of the things.
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But I also don't have to engage with those activities if I don't want to, if I'm not prepared to or if I don't have the energy for it.
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So if there's anything that I'm being asked to do, and I know that if I do it, I will feel resentful towards him.
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For asking me or not doing it himself or not doing enough on his side, I am allowed to hold B boundaries for myself without resentment and say, I am going to protect this relationship over the things that are being done.
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I'm going to say no to those things.
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I am going to be able to make that discernment.
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Which is a little bit closer to the middle of the two extremes we've talked about today.
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So while the pendulum swings to one and pendulum swings to the other side, we have to be mindful of what experiences we've had, traumas and things that have happened to us in our past that make us, uh, potentially swing the pendulum too far the opposite way.
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For example, if our parents.
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Engaged with us in a certain way and we didn't like it, we might swing the pendulum too far the other way.
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Um, you know, perhaps if my mother, who is not any of these things, by the way, but let's just, he's in his example.
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If my mother was really, really emotional and, uh, she was the kind of emotional person who dumped that emotions on me a lot, kept saying, this is, you know.
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You make me upset you, you know, putting a lot of guilt on me all the time and, um, making it my responsibility to regulate her emotions.
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And if I grew up in a household like that, I might swing the pendulum.
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Clear to the other side, which would be more like, um, I don't care.
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I'm not taking any of that.
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I am not going to get too close to people.
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I am only going to pick my absolute favorite people to be close to, and then everyone else gets cut out completely and they just get the leftovers of me because that's all I can give.
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And I do not wanna risk being in a situation, a codependent situation like that of my mother growing up.
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So there are reasons we have those big swings of the pendulum, our traumas and our experiences.
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And again, our astrological science might be a big impact or factor in how we deal with these relationships and how we go into these, um, decisions about what is a payoff for acting this way, for getting my needs met in this way, but also what is it costing me? Is it costing me more than it's getting me? And these are things that I work out in sessions when I am doing an energy healing session.
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Um, especially emotional processing.
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When we are processing through these things, we go back to what are some things that happened and how did you experience those things? As a child or your younger self, and then what did it lead to? If we can be mindful, bring the subconscious ideas to the conscious mind, it's like bringing it out of the back of our head and putting it into a book right in front of us to read.
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We can, first of all take a really good look at it and say, oh, this is what I did.
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This is why I did it.
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This is the energy I have held in my body, the heavy energy I've held in my body about it, and this is what I'd like to release and replace it with moving forward.
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Right.
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So if you would like to engage with a session like that, that would help you kind of work through some of those things in bringing the pendulum back to the middle, being more balanced, how you see relationships, how do you engage with relationships, then I would highly recommend.
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Scheduling a session with me or a lot of other energy healers will do similar modalities.
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Everyone does them a little bit differently, so it doesn't have to be me.
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But I do recommend that energy healing is a great partnership to therapy.
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If you are already in therapy, looking at some of the traumas and looking at some of the things that you do, energy healing is kind of that other side to it that sometimes gets overlooked or missed when going through therapy.
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And so you can book a session with me anytime I work.
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In person or remote over Zoom.
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So go to prism healing.com
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and you can text me, message me.
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I would also love if you went to practically magic.com.
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Our new website is up and it is a place where you can submit questions, you can submit, uh, a story that you have about your life that you would like to get some guidance or, um, or just engage with.
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What are your thoughts? I.
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On the things that we've talked about in our episodes on Practically Magic, we are getting close to wrapping up season two.
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We just have a couple more episodes left on the schedule.
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I am very excited to talk more about what sort of things that can feel magical to you, which are actually parts of the real world and how they work.
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It's seeing the underlying behind the scenes.
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How does a cell phone actually power, get power and work? I mean, it's magic, right? Or it is practically magic.
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So that is what we are here to do, is to talk about what are the real magic going on in the world? And so as you engage with your own healing work and your own healing journal.
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Your own healing journey.
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I suggest journaling.
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That's where the word journal came from.
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'cause it popped into my head.
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I.
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Too soon and came out my mouth too soon.
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I do recommend sitting with a journal and every week, um, maybe during the phases of the moon, as I, uh, engage with my full moon class.
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We go through each week and I will send them discussion questions and ways to reflect on that phase of the moon.
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It's a great time to just sit and say, okay, this week what's been coming up for me? What has been a trigger point? Why, what do, how do I get those needs met? And hopefully this episode has helped you to take a certain aspect of your life in the way that you are always maybe trying to do the right thing.
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Or maybe you've completely cut off that thing that says, I'm trying to do the right thing and please people, but have gone too far the other way.
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Where do you fall in that spectrum? And then what? Do you feel about that? Is it working for you? Is there parts of it that don't work for you? And I can't wait to hear from you.
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So.
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Make sure that you follow and subscribe to Practically Magic Podcasts wherever you are listening to this or on YouTube where we have our channel.
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Um, if there's an episode, this episode, or an episode from the past that really, really resonates with you, maybe it.
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Is something that could help someone, you know, send them a link to the episode and ask them to listen.
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It's a great way to share information with each other without necessarily offending each other.
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I hope no one's offended.
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If someone says, I think this is an episode you'd really like, um, and it's about co-dependency patterns or something, don't be offended.
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It's a great way to learn new things, so like and subscribe, share if you feel called and go Make magic, witches and wizards.
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Thank you to our sponsors.
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Prism Healing, of course, but also thank you to ride the Wave Media.
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Who produces this podcast, the absolute best way to have a podcast.
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All I have to do is hit record and talk and the network does the.
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Producing and editing all the background work.
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That is actually a lot of hard work and I'm so grateful to them.
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Jess Blaine and Lindsay, who is CEO of Ride the Wave Media.
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I also would like to thank the Sunshine Community who I've mentioned in this episode, Sarah Albert, who runs the Sunshine Community, and thank you so much for helping make this podcast possible.
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So go make magic, witches and wizards.
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See you next time.
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Hello, and welcome to this episode of Practically Magic.
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I am your host Courtney Pearl.
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I am acting as a emotional and energy healer today as we talk about.
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The pendulum that swings.
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And before we get into it, I just wanna say that I have some really exciting announcements.
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We have some online classes available that will be on the practically magic website and also linked to my Prism Healing website.
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These.
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Classes are online, meant to teach beginners and experienced magical practitioners, how to create your own rituals and spells how to create sacred spaces, such ASARs, and how to engage with those sacred spaces.
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Connecting yourself spiritually with land, with yourself, with source.
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And I'm offering those classes, which will be available live on Zoom, but also available to, uh, will be available to purchase.
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So take a look at the practically magic, that's practically magic.com
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or Prism Healing.
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Prism healing.com,
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and it will link you to those classes available if you are interested in taking a class to help you engage more meaningfully and magically with the world.
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So with that, let's get into.
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Our episode today, we are going to start by pulling a card.
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And since I am in my cave recording today, I'm gonna pull from the Gaia deck that's behind me.
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I have my altar set up here in the corner.
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This is where I do morning meditations, morning prayer, things like that.
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Morning pages.
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And so that's also where I record.
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Lemme grab that for you.
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I have a card set out for, uh, for the week or for the day, depending on how often I feel called to pull a card.
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And I love this deck for that purpose.
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And so I'm gonna use it for our episode today.
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It is the Gaia Oracle.
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I'll show on the video for YouTube Watchers can see what the deck looks like.
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Of course, you know, I pick my cards based almost entirely on the artwork.
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I love when illustrators, painters, and artists are called to make some beautiful artwork for divination purposes and.
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You know, sometimes AI is a good tool to help us out when we need it, but it does not completely compete with natural beauty, even imperfections.
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And isn't that interesting that we've gotten into a world where imperfections are more valuable, more original, more natural than.
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What perfect perfectionism, what a computer can make.
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Not that I don't think AI can be used in a lot of beautiful, amazing things, too.
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All right.
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Time to pull the card for today's episode.
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I know what our topic is about, but let's see what the card has to say.
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Oh, this is beautiful.
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It is the sunshine.
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I am an ambassador for the Sunshine Community here in Daybreak, south Jordan, local area, and we just had our.
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Business in bloom ribbon cutting for the sunshine community that is now an LLC organization and they really help support people, uh, women in business in particularly.
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So just creating a community where people can, um, lift each other up, spread sunshine out to the world.
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We talked a lot about how this connects us with our solar plexus and our self-esteem.
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And that when we build that part of ourselves, we are also building our self-confidence and our ability to feel like we make contribution into the world.
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And I think that's a really great symbol for what the Sunshine community is all about.
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And this, uh, this card says, thinking of you, a loving thought, serendipity.
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I think that's really fascinating because it is actually going to, uh.
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Kind of segue really well into our topic today, which I wrote down a few weeks ago.
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I was, um, out for a walk.
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It's starting to, the weather's starting to be good.
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Nice.
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Here in South Jordan and in Daybreak, Utah.
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And we are just, daybreak is the neighborhood.
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I live in South Jordan, but it is.
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Starting to be really good weather.
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I've actually been taking a little baggie of, um, dog food with me in my pack when I go for long walks around because there are some ravens that live where the construction and where schools are and where the tracks are.
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So when I walk by those areas, I'm really hoping that I can leave some treats for the ravens and maybe they will, uh, recognize me as the treat lady and they'll.
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They'll be my friend, basically trying to be a friend.
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The local, uh, feathered creatures, um, Ravens in particular are my favorites.
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So yeah, so it's been really nice, beautiful time to go around and I was, I was walking and I was thinking, you know, I was thinking about two particular people that I know in my life.
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Two people I love.
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Love wholeheartedly look up to, um, they inspire me, they help me.
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But I was thinking about how massively different these two people are.
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And I've kind of talked about this in an episode previously in season one, where I talked about what it was like to live between the Shannons, right? Um, the story about how I lived between a Shannon who lives next to me, who taught.
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Was in the classroom next to me on one side and the other, Shannon on the other side, and they were so different, but, so each uniquely wonderful.
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I learned so much about this balance of in between.
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And so, as I said, today we're gonna talk a little bit about the pendulum and how it really can.
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Swing really far to one side and really far to the other side.
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And that the energy of that while being mindful of it, we can, um, create more balance even just with understanding where am I, maybe possibly swinging the pendulum too far one way or the other.
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And it's actually causing, uh, causing me problems where.
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I could actually help that drinking my coffee this morning.
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So forgive me if you hear me.
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Um, and those who can watch on video, I have my Vincent Van Gogh cup that, uh, I bought because, uh, Vincent Van Gogh's one of my favorite artists.
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So I have these two friends and they each are.
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Just wholeheartedly putting their heart into everything that they do care a lot about their community care, a lot about other people, but one has sort of.
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Learned to protect herself in such a way that possibly because of her life experiences, possibly a little bit because of the astrological signs that she is in her sun, moon, and rising.
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If you don't remember what that was about, go listen to the episode about Cambria.
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Uh.
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Came and talked to us about astrology, but I've learned a lot since meeting her about how astrological signs really do affect a lot of aspects as to how we get our needs met, how we show up in the world, right? And this friend, maybe because of her, her signs, maybe because of many, many, many, many thousands and millions of different moments and synopses in her brain and everything that is because.
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Created her to be who she is.
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She is a little bit more like I don't care about what other people think of me.
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And some might perceive this as selfish or really direct when someone invites her to something like, Hey, um, I have, you know, my business is putting on an event this weekend.
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Can I count you in? Are you gonna be there? She will flat out say, no, I'm not doing that.
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I don't have time.
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Uh, no apologies.
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No.
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Um, which.
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I don't think there should be.
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I'm not saying that there should be apologies for that.
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I'm just saying she's really good at absolutely holding a boundary where she needs to, she does not do anything she feels obligated to do.
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Um, just out of obligation.
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Um.
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She's very direct.
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She, it might come across to some people that she doesn't care, but I know she does, and she's very good at trimming the fat, if you will.
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Like, um, if something's a waste of time, if something she doesn't see the value in it, um, it's gonna get cut out of her schedule and it might hurt feelings, but.
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It just needs to be done.
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It needs to be handled that way.
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Right When in comparison, I have this other friend who.
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Because of things that she's experienced in her life and some of that being trauma, some of the things that relationships that she's had, and again, quite potentially the astrological science that she is.
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She cares so much, and when I say she cares so much, I don't even mean that, you know.
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We all care about what we're doing about people in our lives.
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I mean that she really, really, really, truly does not want to upset or, uh, offend anyone.
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She goes above and beyond out of her way.
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Um.
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She wants very much to connect with people, uh, and it's all about connection.
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She's very interested in everybody's lives and almost to the point where she's overwhelmed with people.
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She's taken care of.
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She has so many different business interactions, personal friendships, and she's just spread herself very wide.
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Um, again, no judgment, nothing about this is right or wrong, just an observation I've noticed about certain kinds of people and I think that any one of you could pick out someone in your life that you know that is like this.
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And I started to reflect on how it feels to be friends with different types of people, uh, that.
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Someone could be really far into the caring about absolutely everything realm, or the pendulum can swing all the way over into I, um, I don't care at all.
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I only care about the things that I actually care about and everything else kind of I'm can easily be let go and very discerning, very discerning about what.
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Deserves that kind of energy, attention and focus.
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And as opposed to on the other side, everything needing that kind of energy and intensity and focus and attention given to it.
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Now, for each side there is a payoff, obviously, um, with one side being that you can have control.
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You can have some certainty.
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You can have some, uh, really intentional experiences and relationships.
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You're not gonna have close relationships with everybody.
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You're going to be very focused and mindful of the, of the close friendships and relationships that you want to have in your life and that those matter most and they get priority and that's wonderful.
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On the other side.
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The payoff being you matter to so many people.
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People rely on you.
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People know that you can get the job done.
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People seek you out when they need help or need something that you can offer.
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You feel important, you feel significant.
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You feel bursts of oxytocin from feeling so loved and um, and spreading that love to everyone else.
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There is also a cost on each side of the pendulum because when you're very discerning and you're very quick to judge what's what's important and what's not, you might be missing out also on really close personal relationships that you are not seeing the value of and potentially missing opportunities that could.
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Ultimately be exactly what you need.
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Sometimes when we enga engage with things, situations, relationships that are uncomfortable, that trigger us, that make us feel, it can be an act of avoidance.
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To cut that out quickly and to just focus on the things that are important to us or that we perceive as important to us at the time.
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So there might be really valuable relationships and really valuable experiences, even uncomfortable experiences that can delight and that can teach and that can be painful.
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The.
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Are all experiences that our growth and our human experience needs to have.
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So I would say that although being discerning is a quality, I try to, uh, emulate as much as possible.
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I need more of that kind of discernment in my life to balance me out, that I could see that there is a cost and a payoff for that that needs to be.
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Considered so that in anyone's life as something really difficult maybe does happen, something with relationships, something where those close relationships they have cultivated goes.
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Awry at some point, which it ultimately always does in some way, shape, or form.
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'cause that's, that's what having relationships is all about.
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They might not have the tools and the conflict resolution and the experiences of that discomfort from avoiding it for so long.
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That could be a cost.
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Now swinging back over to the other side, being so openly caring and caring so much about everyone and everything, it's kind of like this energy of, um, I am always trying so hard to do the right thing.
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I want to always be doing the right thing.
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And in my experience as a healer, as um, a facilitator, as a guide, as a coach, whatever, I don't necessarily refer to myself as a coach.
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I think other people fill that title much better than I do.
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But I have seen so many experiences where people trying to do the right thing and get to a point in life where we're invited to look at what that is.
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Then we have to decide what even is the right thing.
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Is there such a thing as right, is there such a thing as wrong? Is there such a thing as maybe just aligned with where I need to be, um, where I'm supposed to be or what my path is and not aligned? I have learned to start cutting out the words right and wrong from my vocabulary when describing things because.
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What is right, what is wrong? Um, we were taught in church growing up and schools and from our parents that there's a right way to act and a wrong way to act, and a right way to do math, and a wrong way to do math.
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And then as time goes on and experiences happen, we realize that there's actually multiple ways to do something and not a right or wrong way to do it, and that what someone else calls wrong.
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Is it truth that they've adopted? It's not necessarily a universal truth.
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So in my opinion, and again this is my podcast, so gospel according to Courtney, right? I think eliminating the judgment of what is right, what is wrong, because I am in alignment with loving people.
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Respecting people, respecting the quality of life, respecting property.
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So I don't go around murdering people and stealing stuff.
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That's not right or wrong.
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It's saying I align with that and that's how, that's how I identify or de define that for myself.
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So when we are working so hard to do the right thing, we start to ask ourselves questions.
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Well, if I work really, really, really, really, really, really hard and I always do the right thing, and I always, um.
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I always extend myself really far into a space of, uh, I will dishonor myself to honor others.
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I will go above and beyond.
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I will always hold space for everyone.
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No matter what.
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No matter what I feel, no matter what's going on with me, I will always hold space for everyone.
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Then you start to realize that.
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The certainty that you're looking for, which a lot of people are e either consciously or subconsciously, we're looking for the certainty that if I'm always there for everyone else, they'll be there for me when I need them.
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And if I always do the right thing, nothing bad can happen to me.
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Right, because who would harm me or do something offensive to me if I'm always doing the right thing for everyone else, it protects me in some way.
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Now, you can argue that that's not why you might do that.
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Oh, I don't do the right thing just so that I'll get things, or I'll be protected, or I will, you know, for selfish reason, reasons.
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But the truth is there is a reason we.
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Engage with that kind of energy.
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And some of it is subconsciously you do wanna be protected in some way.
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I know that when I was, uh, young in middle school and very much an outcast and trying to figure out who were my friends and where would I gain a group of friends I could readily hang out with and would invite me to things.
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It was very difficult in a small town and being the new kid, so.
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I went through a very tough time and I remember thinking, if I'm really, really nice to everyone, just really nice.
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How can that possibly go wrong? I will make friends.
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People will like me and they will say, oh yeah, Courtney, she's so nice.
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It can't possibly go wrong, right? Middle school.
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Can you guess what happened? I bet you can.
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I was so nice to every person I met, every girl, every boy, every person.
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I just said, oh my gosh, I love your outfit today.
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And um, I just went around being exceptionally nice.
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Well that stunk, I mean, wreaked of desperation.
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And as you might guess, not a whole lot of people were turned on or attracted to that kind of energy.
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Um, they were nice back to me, but did they invite me to things? Did they eat lunch with me? Did they.
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Engage with me.
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Uh, start friendships with me.
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Connect with me.
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Not really, no.
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It was a long road through high school trying to find out where do I belong, where do I fit in? Turns out it was with the theater kids, because that's where us weirdos go.
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Well, wow.
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Weirdos are pretty accepting of each other.
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No matter how desperate The point I'm trying to make is.
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Doing the right thing or being in an energy or space where you're always caring so much about what other people think of you or what you are doing for other people, even to the point of dishonoring yourself to honor them, which you'll remember back in the episode about codependency.
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We talked about that dynamic in relationships.
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It isn't a foolproof, safe plan of protection against harm, against people being mean to you, letting you down.
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And what I've realized is that with certain people, and I was thinking of certain people as I came up with this dynamic, one extreme and the other, but the truth is I've come across this.
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Many times in my life where there are people who are so much wanting to, uh, be my friend, do things for me.
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Um, I'll do this for you, I'll do that for you.
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Uh, even giving me gifts, uh, which in the past has been uncomfortable for me.
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I will admit it's hard for me to receive gifts, but I will tell you why, when that kind of energy is presented to me.
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I know that subconsciously or somewhere deep down, they are going to want that same level of commitment and connection to be reciprocated.
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I know myself well enough to know I won't be able to keep up with that energy.
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I consider myself a good friend.
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But I also have boundaries as far as what I'm willing to do, how available I am, or, um, I'm not a very good gift giver.
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I'll be honest.
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I have given gifts when I found things or saw things that I think, um.
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Reminded me of them or something that they wanted or needed.
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But as far as remembering people's birthdays and giving them birthday cards, you can go ahead and ask my kids grandparents and the grandmas that are really good at sending cards for every holiday and everything.
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I completely forget to do things like that.
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I have my kids' school pictures still cut out and ready to send out to family.
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From three years ago, two years ago last year, that I still need to send out.
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I'm terrible at that kind of stuff and you know, I get around to it when I remember to do it, but I'm just not good at that.
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So I know myself.
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I know that I will never match the kind of intensity and connection and commitment and loyalty.
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Well, loyalty.
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Loyalty I have in spades.
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Let's be honest about that.
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Because of my astrological signs and my experiences and who I am, I am very loyal.
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I do not cut people out of my life readily or easily.
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I am willing to give people lots of chances, and I'm pretty.
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Uh, I'm not offended very easily, so someone can do a lot of things and I'm like, me, it is what it is.
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I'm sure they had their reasons.
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I don't get offended easily.
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I mean, you can stand me up.
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You can, you could do a lot of things and I would still be your friend.
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So that's just me.
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But.
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I do get uncomfortable when people are reaching out to me in such a way where I know subconsciously they're going to want me to engage the same way, and that they will feel disappointed or they will perceive that I don't care as much as they do if they are giving and, um.
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Putting that much energy into the relationship.
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So I've watched dynamics and relationships, and by the way, this is a perfect time of year to be talking about this because this is the time of year in the cycles that we're in to be talking about peer groups and relationships within those groups and communities.
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It's about, uh.
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How do we engage with each other in such a way that you can be honest and open and you can be compassionate and curious about each other.
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So I can see where I get a little, Hmm.
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I'm not sure if right is the right word, but a little bit, uh, uncomfortable when someone is.
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Giving me so much, and I will tell them, you're so good at this.
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You, this gift you've given me is so amazing and beautiful and wonderful.
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I hope I can reciprocate someday, but I'm not really great at this, so I hope you'll forgive me or you'll, you'll understand me that I give in different ways.
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Um, I give as.
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In, in ways of gathering people to my home and having gatherings and opportunities to connect and talk and, um, inviting people to things and going with them places and inviting them to come to me, come with me to places, you know, spending time.
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I guess you could say quality time is my love language.
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That's the way that I choose to perceive a relationship or a friendship.
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Then, you know, what is given to me.
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And so I am bringing this up today for today's episode so that each person can maybe take a moment, this is maybe the first time I've ever done this, but take a moment to reflect on how much energy, time, attention, mental thought, mental load.
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How much do I give to relationships, business friendships, any kinds of relationships where I perceive it as not being reciprocated back to me? We are not asking people to be apathetic.
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The energy level, level of apathy is only a level 50 in the chart that talks about the energy levels in, um, in power versus force.
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Out of 1,050 is not very much.
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So we're not asking you to stay apathetic.
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Like I just don't care.
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I don't care about anything.
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I don't care about anybody.
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I'm saying care as much as you want without any expectation of what other people can do for you or what they, um.
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What they'll offer you back and perceiving them as not caring if they don't reciprocate in the same energy level that you are giving.
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Give as much as you can give to a relationship without resentment.
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So be mindful of when something crosses into, I'm gonna do this thing for them, but they're never gonna do it for me back.
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Or when are they gonna do for me what I did for them? And if it crosses into that realm, which it has for me many times, even in just, um, relationships with organizations and groups that I'm a part of where I'm like, oh my gosh, I've been doing and doing and doing and giving and giving and giving.
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And then when I have something going on and I need people to show up for me, I don't have people showing up for me, not in the way that I, I need or would like.
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Now that is an opportunity for me to reflect, not for me to get upset at them, if that makes sense.
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So when you move into a space, and this works really well with marriages, as we talked about with, uh, in the episode with Brenda Olfer and the relationship coach, she talked a little bit about this.
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She taught me a lot about this.
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When it comes to me and my relationship with my spouse was I can't always be expecting him to show up.
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In all the same ways that I do engaging with the mental load and the physical load of running the house and parenting the children and all of the things.
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But I also don't have to engage with those activities if I don't want to, if I'm not prepared to or if I don't have the energy for it.
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So if there's anything that I'm being asked to do, and I know that if I do it, I will feel resentful towards him.
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For asking me or not doing it himself or not doing enough on his side, I am allowed to hold B boundaries for myself without resentment and say, I am going to protect this relationship over the things that are being done.
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I'm going to say no to those things.
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I am going to be able to make that discernment.
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Which is a little bit closer to the middle of the two extremes we've talked about today.
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So while the pendulum swings to one and pendulum swings to the other side, we have to be mindful of what experiences we've had, traumas and things that have happened to us in our past that make us, uh, potentially swing the pendulum too far the opposite way.
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For example, if our parents.
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Engaged with us in a certain way and we didn't like it, we might swing the pendulum too far the other way.
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Um, you know, perhaps if my mother, who is not any of these things, by the way, but let's just, he's in his example.
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If my mother was really, really emotional and, uh, she was the kind of emotional person who dumped that emotions on me a lot, kept saying, this is, you know.
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You make me upset you, you know, putting a lot of guilt on me all the time and, um, making it my responsibility to regulate her emotions.
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And if I grew up in a household like that, I might swing the pendulum.
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Clear to the other side, which would be more like, um, I don't care.
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I'm not taking any of that.
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I am not going to get too close to people.
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I am only going to pick my absolute favorite people to be close to, and then everyone else gets cut out completely and they just get the leftovers of me because that's all I can give.
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And I do not wanna risk being in a situation, a codependent situation like that of my mother growing up.
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So there are reasons we have those big swings of the pendulum, our traumas and our experiences.
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And again, our astrological science might be a big impact or factor in how we deal with these relationships and how we go into these, um, decisions about what is a payoff for acting this way, for getting my needs met in this way, but also what is it costing me? Is it costing me more than it's getting me? And these are things that I work out in sessions when I am doing an energy healing session.
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Um, especially emotional processing.
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When we are processing through these things, we go back to what are some things that happened and how did you experience those things? As a child or your younger self, and then what did it lead to? If we can be mindful, bring the subconscious ideas to the conscious mind, it's like bringing it out of the back of our head and putting it into a book right in front of us to read.
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We can, first of all take a really good look at it and say, oh, this is what I did.
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This is why I did it.
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This is the energy I have held in my body, the heavy energy I've held in my body about it, and this is what I'd like to release and replace it with moving forward.
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Right.
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So if you would like to engage with a session like that, that would help you kind of work through some of those things in bringing the pendulum back to the middle, being more balanced, how you see relationships, how do you engage with relationships, then I would highly recommend.
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Scheduling a session with me or a lot of other energy healers will do similar modalities.
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Everyone does them a little bit differently, so it doesn't have to be me.
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But I do recommend that energy healing is a great partnership to therapy.
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If you are already in therapy, looking at some of the traumas and looking at some of the things that you do, energy healing is kind of that other side to it that sometimes gets overlooked or missed when going through therapy.
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And so you can book a session with me anytime I work.
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In person or remote over Zoom.
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So go to prism healing.com
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and you can text me, message me.
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I would also love if you went to practically magic.com.
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Our new website is up and it is a place where you can submit questions, you can submit, uh, a story that you have about your life that you would like to get some guidance or, um, or just engage with.
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What are your thoughts? I.
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On the things that we've talked about in our episodes on Practically Magic, we are getting close to wrapping up season two.
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We just have a couple more episodes left on the schedule.
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I am very excited to talk more about what sort of things that can feel magical to you, which are actually parts of the real world and how they work.
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It's seeing the underlying behind the scenes.
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How does a cell phone actually power, get power and work? I mean, it's magic, right? Or it is practically magic.
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So that is what we are here to do, is to talk about what are the real magic going on in the world? And so as you engage with your own healing work and your own healing journal.
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Your own healing journey.
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I suggest journaling.
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That's where the word journal came from.
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'cause it popped into my head.
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I.
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Too soon and came out my mouth too soon.
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I do recommend sitting with a journal and every week, um, maybe during the phases of the moon, as I, uh, engage with my full moon class.
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We go through each week and I will send them discussion questions and ways to reflect on that phase of the moon.
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It's a great time to just sit and say, okay, this week what's been coming up for me? What has been a trigger point? Why, what do, how do I get those needs met? And hopefully this episode has helped you to take a certain aspect of your life in the way that you are always maybe trying to do the right thing.
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Or maybe you've completely cut off that thing that says, I'm trying to do the right thing and please people, but have gone too far the other way.
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Where do you fall in that spectrum? And then what? Do you feel about that? Is it working for you? Is there parts of it that don't work for you? And I can't wait to hear from you.
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So.
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Make sure that you follow and subscribe to Practically Magic Podcasts wherever you are listening to this or on YouTube where we have our channel.
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Um, if there's an episode, this episode, or an episode from the past that really, really resonates with you, maybe it.
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Is something that could help someone, you know, send them a link to the episode and ask them to listen.
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It's a great way to share information with each other without necessarily offending each other.
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I hope no one's offended.
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If someone says, I think this is an episode you'd really like, um, and it's about co-dependency patterns or something, don't be offended.
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It's a great way to learn new things, so like and subscribe, share if you feel called and go Make magic, witches and wizards.
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Thank you to our sponsors.
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Prism Healing, of course, but also thank you to ride the Wave Media.
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Who produces this podcast, the absolute best way to have a podcast.
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All I have to do is hit record and talk and the network does the.
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Producing and editing all the background work.
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That is actually a lot of hard work and I'm so grateful to them.
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Jess Blaine and Lindsay, who is CEO of Ride the Wave Media.
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I also would like to thank the Sunshine Community who I've mentioned in this episode, Sarah Albert, who runs the Sunshine Community, and thank you so much for helping make this podcast possible.
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So go make magic, witches and wizards.
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See you next time.
