Feb. 4, 2025

Embracing Death and Grief: A Celtic Priestess' Perspective

Embracing Death and Grief: A Celtic Priestess' Perspective
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Embracing Death and Grief: A Celtic Priestess' Perspective

Embracing Death and Grief: A Celtic Priestess' Perspective

In this episode of Practically Magick, host Courtney Pearl, the owner of Prism Healing, explores the profound topics of death and grieving from a spiritual and cultural standpoint. Courtney, also a Celtic Priestess, opens the discussion with a card reading from the Storyteller's Tarot, symbolizing new beginnings. She delves deep into the role of death in different cultures, personal anecdotes on grieving, and the spiritual aspects of death, including reincarnation and the energy of the soul.

Courtney advocates for open discussions on mortality, the sacredness of grief, and the importance of accepting uncertainty surrounding death. The episode also touches on the concept of death doulas and their role in facilitating end-of-life processes, encouraging listeners to cultivate a healthy relationship with death and loss.

00:00 Welcome to Practically Magic

00:44 Tarot Card Reading for the Episode

01:39 Winter and the Symbolism of Death

06:41 Exploring the Topic of Death

12:08 The Role of a Death Doula

28:07 Cultural Perspectives on Death

34:47 Personal Experiences with Grief

47:18 Embracing Death and Acceptance

53:36 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

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Hello and welcome to Practically Magic.

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I am your host Courtney Pearl.

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I am owner of Prism Healing and
today I'm your Celtic Priestess.

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We are going to dive into an episode
today about death and grieving and it's

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going to be a really important one.

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One that I have spent the last few
weeks months even researching and

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preparing for because I wanted to
approach this subject with all of the

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wonder and respect that it deserves.

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And so before we begin
on our main topic today.

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I would like to pull a card for our
episode and for you, our audience.

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I am going to pull a card from
the Storyteller's Tarot today.

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For those of you who can see
me on YouTube, you can look and

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see what the deck looks like.

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Um, I picked this up recently.

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It's a fairly new deck, so I am
excited to play with it some more.

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And as you know, um, as part of work
that I do, I am a lore keeper, and I

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love folklore, and I love mythology.

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And so when I saw this deck, I just had
to have it as you know how that goes.

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And so I'm going to pull
a card for us today.

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Perhaps it has something to do
with our episode topic, or perhaps

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it has something to do with you.

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This is our first episode back in 2025.

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Welcome.

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Welcome to 2025.

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We have made it through the thresholds.

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At the time I am recording
this, it is winter.

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And, uh, that is a perfect opportunity
for us to talk about death.

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Winter being a, a symbol of death

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and rebirth in the spring.

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So today's episode, today's
card for today's episode is

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going to be the Ace of Scepters.

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In this deck, I believe Ace of Scepters
is corresponding with the Ace of Wands

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in the traditional tarot, but the image
on the card, if you can see, for those

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of you who are watching on YouTube, um,
it is the Ursa Major, the symbol of the

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constellation of stars and the bear.

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Um, The first thing I thought of when
I saw this, though, if I remember

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correctly, the guidebook doesn't
necessarily mention this, but I associate

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this card quite a bit with King Arthur.

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And it's interesting because
I just finished a book.

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Um, fiction, but very, uh,

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saturated with good old folklore,
um, read a book about King Arthur

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and the Knights of the Round Table,
a legend I particularly love having

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come from, uh, Welsh mythology.

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And, uh, the, the word Arthur, uh, a
lot of people associate Arth as the

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Welsh word for bear and believe that
has a connection there to the Ursa

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Major, uh, the bear, and the sky, and
the North Star, and the Big Dipper.

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And what this is saying for us,
particularly in pulling this card today,

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this is a card of new beginnings, of
um, I would associate it more with a

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rebirth than I would with death, so
it's interesting that this card is

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coming up for us today on our subject.

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Um, but it does give us the impression
of new beginnings, of something

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starting, and of creativity brewing.

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I want us all to be very careful.

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Uh, a lot of the mythical and mystic
type people like myself would be giving

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you the same message, which is, I want
you all to be very careful in new years.

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We just had New Year's and a lot of people
get caught up in the excitement of a new

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year and New Year's resolutions are all
the rage, you know, it's the thing to do.

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To come up with all these new
things you're going to do and you're

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going to start the January 1st or
January, you know, you're going to

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start doing all of these new things.

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You're going to start putting
and implementing all of these

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new things into your life.

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This is an opportunity to say,
slow down, because wintertime and

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even in new beginnings, we don't
want to run at something gung

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ho, uh, Straight at the attack.

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Um, wintertime is an invitation
to rest and remember winter just

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started so we have essentially the
next six weeks or longer depending

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on what calendar you're using to
hunker down, to hibernate, to rest.

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Um, I often joke with my neighbors and
friends who live around me locally.

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Um, You will know it's spring when the
witch comes out of her cottage, um,

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the witch meaning me, because I do a
lot of staying indoors in the winter.

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I have tried to get out more and just,
um, take Walks in the cold and still

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engage with the outdoors so that I
don't lose myself too much in that.

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But for the most part, I give
myself permission to do a lot

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less than what I would normally
do in the schedule of summer.

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Um, there's a reason Why our ancestors
lived by the light of the sun and

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was more productive and active during
the time when they would be planting

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and harvesting during the spring,
summer, fall months of the year.

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But winter was a time to harvest.

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Rest.

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To go indoors, to do indoor activities,
and to, um, to do only what you

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can do during the daylight hours,
which are far less hours than the

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other times of the year, obviously.

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Now we have invented, uh, electricity
and lights, and we can stay up late if

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we want to, and we can get up early.

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But I think that that goes against
the natural rhythms of our body.

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And I want to bring this up because we're
moving into, um, the, the discussion

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topic of the day, which is death.

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And I know that this can be an
uncomfortable topic, especially if you

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are of Northern European culture or North
American culture, we have a tendency to be

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very closed mouthed and taboo about death.

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We don't really want to look at it.

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We don't really want to face
our own mortality too much.

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And when you look at the influence of, uh,
religion and the spread of Christianity

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throughout the world, you see that a
lot of, you know, covering up the idea

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of death with, um, well, if we believe
in an afterlife and we believe that we

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can live forever, then we really don't
need to even broach the topic of death

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or grief or loss when someone has died.

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And I'm going to talk a little bit about
this topic in a couple of different, um, a

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couple of different topics, uh, subtopics.

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I don't know what you want to
call it, but, uh, An outline.

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Um, I want to talk about it in a spiritual
context of what and how we approach death,

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but I also want to talk about grief.

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I want to talk about culture and
I want to talk about acceptance.

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And when we talk about the spiritual
aspect of it, which is, more or less

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where I like to discuss the most as
a priestess, as a spiritual person.

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Um, I do want to be careful because people
who often, uh, associate themselves or,

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uh, stick their faith to a particular
dogma or religion, that tends to

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override the natural feelings of grief.

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And sometimes those
feelings can get ignored.

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Um, and I will talk personally about
some situations that I have observed

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and noticed in my own culture and
in my own family, um, and the family

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that I married into, that will show
that there are And that there needs

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to be some attention brought to that.

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But as far as most cultures that you
will see, a spiritual aspect of death

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is that it is like a portal, that we
are going from one life to the next.

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That, um, Um, even if you were, let's
say, um, atheists or agnostic or

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didn't necessarily have a spiritual
belief about a soul that goes into

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another, another realm or that there's
a heaven or another place after we die.

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Um, I like that Neil Tyson Degrassi,
he's a scientist who thinks in

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terms of science, but he explained
that the energy that is our

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collective, That is our consciousness
that allows our body to work.

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Um, it has to go somewhere after
we die and our body ceases to live.

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We have done scientific experiments
to, uh, know and understand that

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the body loses a certain amount of
weight when the soul passes from it.

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So whether you want to call it a
soul or a spirit doesn't matter.

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really matter, but to know that there
is an energy about our aliveness that

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leaves the body when the body passes
away and where it goes, whether it goes,

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you know, to another realm or another
dimension possibly, or another timeline,

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or could it possibly be reallocated as
energy does into the universe as allowing

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new plants to grow and allow, you know,
it's the energy that is going to provide

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something else to live once we've died.

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And I think that even when you look
at it from a scientific aspect,

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that's still pretty magical.

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I mean, I don't think you have to be
in necessarily spiritual person or

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a mystic to understand that the body
does have energy that leaves and gets

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allocated, reallocated to different
places in the universe when we die.

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And that allows other things
live and grow and be born.

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And isn't that amazing?

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I mean, you don't need religion or
spirituality to just understand that

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the world is a pretty amazing place
and it's pretty magical already.

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So we understand and we know
that that, that's what happens.

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Um, what I've gotten interested
in the last few years is

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the sacredness around death.

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Um, especially if you know
death is a is coming soon.

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If someone is terminal or if they have
gotten a diagnosis or something that

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allows you to have time to prepare in
that way, um, I would argue that we're

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all in that state, uh, but we'll talk
about that a little bit more later.

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I, I'm just really, really interested
and really fascinated by the absolute

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vulnerability and sacredness
around death when it comes to a

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person dying and their family.

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Um, I have come in contact
with it a couple of times.

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I would like to interview them for
the podcast in a future episode.

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So stay tuned for that.

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If you're interested, I'm going to
get, uh, Get that arranged, but I

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have talked to a death doula and that
idea is really fascinating to me.

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I don't know if that's ever on the horizon
for myself, but as a priestess, that

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sounds really fascinating to be somebody
who can help facilitate death in that

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way, or even just be kind of that person
who helps people through that situation.

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And a death doula is a fantastic idea.

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I had a doula at the birth of
my sons when I was pregnant.

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And I, I remember when my grandmother was
passing away and she had an opportunity

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to know that she was on her way out and
that she was probably going to be gone in

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a matter of days and felt well enough to
invite the family to come and say goodbye.

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And, um, that experience was fascinating
and Difficult and beautiful all at the

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same time, but it reminded me a lot
of a birth because nobody knew exactly

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when it was happening and we were all
kind of measuring the signs of her body

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and her, um, you know, when she, she
began to get really sleepy and was only

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awake for, for small moments at a time.

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And, You know, just different things
that, um, the hospice nurse and, um,

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my aunt who is a nurse practitioner,
she, she was very comfortable

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and aware of the signs of death.

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So she was helping us understand like,
okay, her body is going through this.

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We're going to see these
signs as it gets closer.

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So just like a woman in labor
about to give birth to a new

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baby, you're watching the signs.

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in a similar way and people are
gathering and people are discussing it

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and people are, you know, there's just
this closeness that's created with that

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and I found it to be really beautiful
and a really beautiful opportunity to

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bond and connect with our family, um,
much in the way a new baby can do that.

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Uh, I had a doula at the birth of my
sons and it was, Highly recommended,

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um, I really loved, uh, they were called
Bud to Blossom, uh, Bud to Blossom?

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Yeah, um, doulas and their whole team is
amazing and they came before the birth

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and prepped me and helped me and went to
my house and helped preps my house and

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you know, they did all these things to
help prepare me and my husband and my

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family for you're going to be bringing
twin babies home from the hospital.

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That's going to be Pretty
amazing and life altering.

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So let's prepare.

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And a death doula would do the same thing.

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They would allow the family to converse
about their feelings and express

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what they would want to see happen or
what they don't want to see happen.

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The person who's going through the
death that's dying gets to express

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how they would like that to go.

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And the death doula is like a facilitator
guiding them through that, um, in a lot

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of the ways a spiritual leader would do.

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except they're very much
well trained in doing it.

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Whereas I think sometimes church
leaders don't have the training,

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they just have, I guess, God
appointed them to that position, so

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they just Do something like that.

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Um, I highly recommend a deaf doula, so.

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Uh, I think that would be a fantastic
idea to have someone there to

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facilitate those conversations.

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And to make as many things possible happen
for the person who's dying to have the

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experience that they would want to have in
passing through that portal to their next.

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great beyond, whatever
that might look like.

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But there is sort of a, um, an
understanding and spiritual context

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of passing through the veil.

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And, um, I know a lot of people in the
mystical world or mediums or people

209
00:16:11,698 --> 00:16:13,528
who can feel energies like that.

210
00:16:13,608 --> 00:16:19,568
They can really feel when the veil is thin
and when the spiritual world is closely

211
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connected with the living or when there
are certain messages coming through.

212
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Um, I am particularly
fascinated with mediums.

213
00:16:30,278 --> 00:16:35,608
I have met and seen and watched
on TV mediums that I felt like

214
00:16:38,358 --> 00:16:42,478
This feels like we're exploiting
people and this feels like we're

215
00:16:42,478 --> 00:16:45,918
taking advantage of people that
are in a very emotional state.

216
00:16:47,178 --> 00:16:53,048
And I have felt and seen things
that I know, um, and this is just

217
00:16:53,608 --> 00:16:58,248
According to me, we're very authentic
and we're very much, um, in the

218
00:16:58,268 --> 00:16:59,988
effort of helping people heal.

219
00:17:00,658 --> 00:17:05,928
And so I do want people to use their best
discretion, their intuition on whether or

220
00:17:05,928 --> 00:17:10,048
not a person they're engaging with is just
taking advantage of their emotional state

221
00:17:10,108 --> 00:17:15,528
or whether they are helping them heal
by connecting them to whatever messages

222
00:17:15,528 --> 00:17:17,368
need to happen in the, in the afterlife.

223
00:17:18,268 --> 00:17:25,218
Um, my experience with people passing
on is that Yes, I have had what I felt

224
00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:30,008
were very, very direct conversations
and experiences with people who've

225
00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:31,108
passed on to the other world.

226
00:17:31,708 --> 00:17:34,438
Um, I wouldn't go around telling
people that I am a medium.

227
00:17:34,808 --> 00:17:38,768
I just have had experiences that
I do believe that anyone who's

228
00:17:38,768 --> 00:17:43,608
willing to practice that skill
or to engage with that, get in

229
00:17:43,608 --> 00:17:46,078
touch with their own clair skills.

230
00:17:46,578 --> 00:17:49,708
So whether they're clairvoyant
or clairsentient or clairaudient,

231
00:17:49,718 --> 00:17:53,673
or, um, there's many different
ways that you can Access.

232
00:17:54,803 --> 00:17:55,303
Excuse me.

233
00:17:56,163 --> 00:17:56,793
Access.

234
00:17:57,453 --> 00:17:59,103
Knowledge from that other side.

235
00:17:59,938 --> 00:18:04,708
Um, but I do believe that there are
different dimensions or realms, or

236
00:18:06,408 --> 00:18:10,948
they kind of exist as different, uh,
in Reiki they kind of talk about it

237
00:18:10,948 --> 00:18:16,748
as the different heavens, um, but
sort of different levels or realms

238
00:18:16,818 --> 00:18:23,368
of, from the plane of existence
that is Earth, and that, that that

239
00:18:23,428 --> 00:18:25,968
exists in a higher, lighter sense.

240
00:18:26,028 --> 00:18:33,948
So I do think that when a soul dies or
leaves their body, they go into a level

241
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:39,418
of their white light selves that no
longer associates with the ego and the

242
00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:41,338
body and their existence here on earth.

243
00:18:42,628 --> 00:18:47,498
So when they want to connect or
engage with someone on earth.

244
00:18:47,858 --> 00:18:51,088
I think it's actually very
difficult for them when they've

245
00:18:51,118 --> 00:18:52,568
passed through the light.

246
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,618
Uh, and that's just using terminology
that most people understand.

247
00:18:55,858 --> 00:19:00,078
Um, I'm not saying for sure that
this is what it's like, but they

248
00:19:00,078 --> 00:19:03,778
pass through that realm into
the next level of consciousness.

249
00:19:03,838 --> 00:19:09,528
And I think that they are so much into
the Being of light that they become

250
00:19:09,528 --> 00:19:14,488
that coming back to earth and engaging
as their ego self, looking like they

251
00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:20,368
looked on earth, or, um, you know, even
engaging with the people that they left

252
00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:23,138
behind can be very difficult for them.

253
00:19:23,868 --> 00:19:25,658
I think that it can feel,

254
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,608
for lack of a better
term, it just feels icky.

255
00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:44,058
I imagine it to be more like if a person
was, um, going to, had moved on from a

256
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:48,818
very embarrassing situation, but they had
to go back and relive that embarrassing

257
00:19:48,818 --> 00:19:52,558
situation, then that's what it would feel
like to come back to Earth and to be in

258
00:19:52,568 --> 00:19:56,183
their, in, in their, um, In that realm.

259
00:19:56,633 --> 00:19:59,323
So I don't think that they've
reached out to connect very

260
00:19:59,353 --> 00:20:00,683
often unless it's necessary.

261
00:20:00,683 --> 00:20:05,103
And I do think that they do retain
some essence of familiarity with

262
00:20:05,103 --> 00:20:06,873
their family members and loved ones.

263
00:20:07,263 --> 00:20:09,113
I think they do watch out for us.

264
00:20:09,143 --> 00:20:10,963
I think they do come to our events.

265
00:20:10,993 --> 00:20:12,423
I think they're very much involved.

266
00:20:12,473 --> 00:20:15,253
I just don't think that they
slip into what, what would be

267
00:20:15,253 --> 00:20:17,503
considered, you know, a ghost.

268
00:20:17,553 --> 00:20:20,443
Like we see them walking around
in the clothes that they used

269
00:20:20,443 --> 00:20:22,513
to in the way that they looked.

270
00:20:23,433 --> 00:20:25,463
Um, and I don't think that they visit.

271
00:20:26,083 --> 00:20:30,033
Uh, to give a message through a
medium unless they really feel

272
00:20:30,033 --> 00:20:33,243
the need to, because I don't think
that that's comfortable for them.

273
00:20:34,263 --> 00:20:39,163
Um, and again, this is just
according to my, uh, what I have

274
00:20:39,163 --> 00:20:40,803
researched and what I have felt.

275
00:20:41,743 --> 00:20:46,633
And so I do think, and I say these
things because I want the larger

276
00:20:46,633 --> 00:20:49,513
audience to know that there is
something mystical and magical about

277
00:20:49,543 --> 00:20:52,943
the afterlife and about leaving our
earthly realm and into the netherworld.

278
00:20:53,468 --> 00:20:55,898
Next, whatever we go and do.

279
00:20:56,528 --> 00:20:58,768
Uh, I personally do believe
in reincarnation too.

280
00:20:58,818 --> 00:21:01,678
I believe that our soul
can be like a diamond.

281
00:21:02,988 --> 00:21:06,788
That it has many, many, many facets to it.

282
00:21:07,238 --> 00:21:11,038
And that each lifetime we live,
we experience things and we have

283
00:21:11,048 --> 00:21:19,958
challenges that allow us to, shall
we say, polish or add pressure to

284
00:21:20,198 --> 00:21:24,628
the unpolished and maybe, uh, dull,

285
00:21:26,968 --> 00:21:31,988
Uh, craggly, foggy sides of our diamond.

286
00:21:32,718 --> 00:21:38,108
So the soul is not complete and ready
to ascend to the highest kingdom

287
00:21:38,108 --> 00:21:41,808
of heaven or whatever you want to
believe happens to us after we die.

288
00:21:43,018 --> 00:21:47,108
I don't believe that it's ready to do
that unless we have experienced and

289
00:21:47,168 --> 00:21:51,148
gone through the things that we are
meant to do to polish each and every

290
00:21:51,158 --> 00:21:52,998
facet of the diamond that is our soul.

291
00:21:54,098 --> 00:21:56,108
Um, I'm using metaphors, uh, to help.

292
00:21:56,428 --> 00:21:59,508
explain how I understand it to work.

293
00:21:59,748 --> 00:22:03,518
Um, and that doesn't mean that this
is based on any dogma or religion.

294
00:22:03,528 --> 00:22:08,078
It's just how I've experienced,
uh, coming to this kind of

295
00:22:08,078 --> 00:22:13,138
knowledge with my own experiences
and readings, things like that.

296
00:22:14,858 --> 00:22:17,548
But the reason I tell you all of
this is to help you understand that

297
00:22:17,548 --> 00:22:23,583
whether it's in one lifetime here on
earth or whether it's after we We are

298
00:22:23,583 --> 00:22:25,553
reincarnated or whatever we have to do.

299
00:22:25,583 --> 00:22:27,673
I think that we are given many chances.

300
00:22:28,213 --> 00:22:32,193
I don't think it's like, you live one
life here on earth and that's all you get.

301
00:22:32,213 --> 00:22:38,198
And if your life is miserable, or if
you happen to be born with like a I

302
00:22:38,198 --> 00:22:44,838
don't know, uh, you're a sociopathic
psychopath that doesn't know anything

303
00:22:44,868 --> 00:22:47,878
other than, um, harming people.

304
00:22:48,568 --> 00:22:51,938
Um, I know that there are people who would
say, well, those people don't have a soul.

305
00:22:51,958 --> 00:22:53,908
They're just here to do
harm to other humans.

306
00:22:53,968 --> 00:22:56,828
And that can be really harsh.

307
00:22:56,878 --> 00:23:00,968
Um, and you can be a sociopath and not
do harm to others, just so you know.

308
00:23:01,558 --> 00:23:02,748
I'm not saying that either.

309
00:23:04,128 --> 00:23:08,448
Ugh, it feels like so many different
things that I could get totally blasted

310
00:23:08,448 --> 00:23:13,648
for, but all I'm saying is that there are
people who believe that those people don't

311
00:23:13,648 --> 00:23:18,178
have a soul at all, and I'm saying, what
if they do, but their experience of having

312
00:23:18,188 --> 00:23:23,128
that difficulty here on this planet, and
maybe spending their entire life in prison

313
00:23:23,488 --> 00:23:28,373
here, and then dying It might feel to
the rest of us like a waste of being a

314
00:23:28,373 --> 00:23:32,513
human when maybe that was just one side
of the diamond of their soul that they

315
00:23:32,513 --> 00:23:36,303
needed to polish this time and they needed
to experience something else next time.

316
00:23:36,973 --> 00:23:41,303
And there's karmic debt that
they need to, um, that they need

317
00:23:41,303 --> 00:23:45,568
to, uh, experience something.

318
00:23:47,168 --> 00:23:50,808
And it's a larger picture that no one
human could ever have all the answers for.

319
00:23:51,658 --> 00:23:56,008
And that we get to another idea that
I want to touch on, which is when it

320
00:23:56,008 --> 00:24:01,128
comes to death and the afterlife, um,
I really, really appreciate the ideas

321
00:24:01,128 --> 00:24:06,848
brought by, uh, secular Buddhism, which
is to be comfortable with uncertainty.

322
00:24:07,458 --> 00:24:11,948
A lot of people seek out religious
dogma or religious ideas about what

323
00:24:11,958 --> 00:24:16,668
happens to us after we die, because
they want the certainty of like, I know.

324
00:24:17,328 --> 00:24:21,258
For certain that if I do these things
on this earth and if I'm a good person

325
00:24:21,258 --> 00:24:24,428
and I do the right and I make the
right choices and I'm worthy, I get

326
00:24:24,428 --> 00:24:27,178
to go and be in a heaven afterlife.

327
00:24:27,178 --> 00:24:30,718
I get to be in something that is
reward at the end of it all and

328
00:24:30,718 --> 00:24:33,308
makes all the sacrifices that
I had in this life worth it.

329
00:24:35,018 --> 00:24:37,888
The fact of the matter is, is
that none of us really know.

330
00:24:38,708 --> 00:24:41,988
Even I'm sitting here telling you what
I think I know or what I have felt

331
00:24:42,088 --> 00:24:45,948
and what, um, how I've experienced
it, but I can be totally wrong.

332
00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:49,248
Nothing that I'm saying
could be right either.

333
00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:53,633
It could be just as simple as the
scientific explanation of our soul

334
00:24:53,663 --> 00:24:59,783
dissipates, dissipates into, into,
um, into the rest of the world.

335
00:24:59,793 --> 00:25:02,833
And it becomes part of the
energy that operates the world.

336
00:25:04,233 --> 00:25:06,353
And either way, that's okay.

337
00:25:06,953 --> 00:25:11,733
I'm not a person who at this point
in my life, at least, is walking

338
00:25:11,733 --> 00:25:13,923
around needing to know those answers.

339
00:25:14,483 --> 00:25:21,023
And I think that there is a great comfort
and relief when you get to a place where

340
00:25:21,023 --> 00:25:24,853
you can say, I actually don't know.

341
00:25:26,043 --> 00:25:28,143
I don't know what happens
to us after we die.

342
00:25:28,173 --> 00:25:29,643
I don't know if there's a soul.

343
00:25:29,673 --> 00:25:35,183
I don't know any of that, but is
it going to change how I interact

344
00:25:35,183 --> 00:25:38,523
with other human beings or how I
follow rules or don't follow rules?

345
00:25:39,403 --> 00:25:43,233
Because all that really matters in this
lifetime is that I live to be my most

346
00:25:43,233 --> 00:25:47,823
authentic self and that I resonate at
a frequency that is most authentic.

347
00:25:48,493 --> 00:25:53,723
So, If I wait till the afterlife for
a reward, am I really making good

348
00:25:53,743 --> 00:25:55,963
use and time of my life here now?

349
00:25:57,613 --> 00:26:00,923
And those are questions that I
think are worth asking yourself.

350
00:26:01,013 --> 00:26:06,253
So maybe taking a book out of
secular Buddhism, being more

351
00:26:06,293 --> 00:26:09,103
comfortable with uncertainty.

352
00:26:10,633 --> 00:26:13,003
Is a great path forward.

353
00:26:16,493 --> 00:26:23,913
I want to, um, reference a, in
my research about death and, uh,

354
00:26:24,023 --> 00:26:26,483
there is a fantastic documentary.

355
00:26:26,743 --> 00:26:30,603
Um, we mentioned it in the episode
I did with Tiffany Lesik, where

356
00:26:30,603 --> 00:26:32,653
we talked about, um, alchemy.

357
00:26:33,253 --> 00:26:39,383
Uh, she knows personally, as she is a
Druid in the, um, Anglesea Druid order.

358
00:26:39,453 --> 00:26:42,313
She, uh, works with.

359
00:26:42,718 --> 00:26:50,518
Christopher Hughes, who lives in Wales
and is a druid and also he was a mortician

360
00:26:51,138 --> 00:26:55,818
for many years there in Wales and for,
uh, working for the, the Queen, I believe.

361
00:26:56,808 --> 00:27:02,108
I'm not exactly sure how all that fits
in, but the point is he made a documentary

362
00:27:02,118 --> 00:27:09,898
that's available to watch on, um, uh,
through the Welsh television program

363
00:27:12,348 --> 00:27:15,378
CS4C, I think is how it goes.

364
00:27:15,748 --> 00:27:17,668
You can watch it for free,
you just have to log in.

365
00:27:17,748 --> 00:27:22,028
So I will put all of this, um, in my
notes in my blog on my website for those

366
00:27:22,028 --> 00:27:24,118
who want to go back and reference it.

367
00:27:24,148 --> 00:27:28,883
But he has four episodes of this
fantastic documentary he did called Marw

368
00:27:28,883 --> 00:27:32,208
Gwda Chris, which is Death with Chris.

369
00:27:32,998 --> 00:27:36,098
Um, it has English subtitles,
he speaks in Welsh quite a bit.

370
00:27:36,158 --> 00:27:39,023
The, uh, I mean, he speaks to
the camera and everything in

371
00:27:39,023 --> 00:27:42,033
Welsh, so that's why I love it.

372
00:27:42,513 --> 00:27:43,543
Learning Welsh, right?

373
00:27:44,203 --> 00:27:48,713
But he does a fantastic job
talking about different cultures

374
00:27:48,743 --> 00:27:49,703
and how they deal with death.

375
00:27:50,443 --> 00:27:54,393
You will see in this documentary, that's
why you have to check the box if you're

376
00:27:54,443 --> 00:27:56,703
older than 16, because you will see death.

377
00:27:56,943 --> 00:27:58,753
You will see dead.

378
00:28:00,873 --> 00:28:05,443
And it's fascinating to me how
different cultures have different

379
00:28:05,443 --> 00:28:06,863
ways of associating with death.

380
00:28:07,873 --> 00:28:11,023
And one thing I noticed, and I want
to bring up before we talk about

381
00:28:11,023 --> 00:28:13,573
culture specifically, is time.

382
00:28:14,483 --> 00:28:18,743
That in one episode where he goes to
Indonesia, he notices that in the city,

383
00:28:18,993 --> 00:28:24,633
When they're very close quarters, uh,
lots, high density population, not a

384
00:28:24,633 --> 00:28:28,883
lot of space, they have to bury bodies
in the cemetery on top of each other,

385
00:28:28,893 --> 00:28:30,943
stack them, because there's so many.

386
00:28:31,953 --> 00:28:38,233
They are, um, of a Muslim faith and
they need to bury their bodies very

387
00:28:38,233 --> 00:28:42,903
quickly after death so that, um, first
of all, it's very hot, very humid,

388
00:28:42,903 --> 00:28:47,453
very muggy and hot in Indonesia,
but also because of their faith.

389
00:28:47,893 --> 00:28:54,023
So they, um, They have a family that
they are following that they are showing

390
00:28:54,303 --> 00:28:58,623
the father of the family had died just
hours ago, and they are already at the

391
00:28:58,623 --> 00:29:01,553
grave site, they've already gone to
the mosque, and then they go to the

392
00:29:01,553 --> 00:29:07,053
grave site and they bury their father
and husband within hours after his

393
00:29:07,053 --> 00:29:11,143
death, and the grave is covered up.

394
00:29:11,623 --> 00:29:15,763
The, the plate that the wooden
plate that says their name

395
00:29:16,623 --> 00:29:19,118
is, marked, marking the grave.

396
00:29:20,218 --> 00:29:26,918
The family sits on and around the
grave and they cry and I find that

397
00:29:26,938 --> 00:29:33,218
really fascinating and I wonder
how much time is left to grieve.

398
00:29:33,938 --> 00:29:38,878
If that gives them a lot of closure
really early in the grieving process

399
00:29:38,908 --> 00:29:43,793
so that they can move on and grieve,
After he's already buried and it's,

400
00:29:43,813 --> 00:29:45,243
you know, it's time to just grieve.

401
00:29:46,203 --> 00:29:52,003
Or in another place, the same country
in Indonesia, there's another place in

402
00:29:52,003 --> 00:29:59,628
the mountains where instead of burying
quickly, they Wait years, um, sometimes

403
00:29:59,828 --> 00:30:04,198
before they bury the body and the bodies
are kept in sort of like coffins, but

404
00:30:04,348 --> 00:30:10,238
in kind of the home where their family
is living and the family actually

405
00:30:10,238 --> 00:30:12,798
can sleep in a bedroom next to them.

406
00:30:13,348 --> 00:30:16,988
Um, in their language, they
refer to them as ill or sleeping.

407
00:30:17,228 --> 00:30:20,808
They don't say they're dead yet
because death for them does not

408
00:30:21,008 --> 00:30:23,588
officially occur until they are dead.

409
00:30:23,943 --> 00:30:25,453
buried until they have the funeral.

410
00:30:25,993 --> 00:30:30,043
And sometimes it takes two or three
years to put together the whole funeral.

411
00:30:31,298 --> 00:30:39,518
And I think that's, um, like two extreme
examples of how time can be in play

412
00:30:39,518 --> 00:30:46,678
there because grief, specifically,
when someone has gone through a loss,

413
00:30:46,958 --> 00:30:52,198
uh, of a family member, this in the
healing world and the work that I do is

414
00:30:52,198 --> 00:30:57,728
not something that we clear like we do
with a lot of other heavier emotions.

415
00:30:58,048 --> 00:31:02,778
At least I don't, um, can't stay for
any other healers that are That do the

416
00:31:02,778 --> 00:31:07,808
work that I do, but for me specifically,
I never go into a session with someone

417
00:31:07,818 --> 00:31:12,298
who is grieving to release that grief.

418
00:31:12,898 --> 00:31:17,038
Grief is something that although it does
still feel very heavy on our bodies, it's

419
00:31:17,038 --> 00:31:20,988
a different kind of emotional experience.

420
00:31:21,318 --> 00:31:28,058
It's not a pain that we want to
clear ourselves of, because it is.

421
00:31:28,718 --> 00:31:34,128
along the same lines and, uh, other
side of the same coin as love.

422
00:31:34,818 --> 00:31:40,168
We wouldn't be grieving a person even if
we didn't particularly like that person.

423
00:31:40,168 --> 00:31:43,438
And I have, I experienced that with
some clients where they're grieving

424
00:31:43,438 --> 00:31:48,478
someone they didn't like or respect
in their lifetime, but they're really,

425
00:31:48,478 --> 00:31:49,978
really struggling with their death.

426
00:31:51,298 --> 00:31:56,483
I, I make it very clear, at least
in the work that I do with We're

427
00:31:56,483 --> 00:31:58,563
not here to fix or clear your grief.

428
00:31:59,173 --> 00:32:02,113
That's not something that you're
ever going to be able to be released

429
00:32:02,113 --> 00:32:06,023
from because it is an important
part of your living experience.

430
00:32:06,143 --> 00:32:13,023
And we don't heal it in the way that we
are clearing it or getting rid of it.

431
00:32:13,233 --> 00:32:17,233
Healing in this case just means
witnessing it, understanding it.

432
00:32:17,583 --> 00:32:19,103
and respecting it for what it is.

433
00:32:19,753 --> 00:32:22,943
And I think there is something
really, really sacred and special

434
00:32:22,943 --> 00:32:26,713
about grief of a death, particularly.

435
00:32:27,543 --> 00:32:29,623
Um, there's so many
different types of grief.

436
00:32:29,633 --> 00:32:30,543
We talked about grief.

437
00:32:30,593 --> 00:32:34,113
You know, when I talked about infertility,
that's grieving a loss as well.

438
00:32:34,143 --> 00:32:36,753
But this particular grief
I'm talking about is death.

439
00:32:37,853 --> 00:32:39,603
The grief you have after a death.

440
00:32:39,783 --> 00:32:43,593
It's not a pain that I or
anyone or yourself can cure.

441
00:32:45,453 --> 00:32:53,808
And it is something that, um, um,
That we never, never want to move

442
00:32:53,808 --> 00:32:57,898
on from and probably wouldn't
be able to if we wanted to.

443
00:32:58,748 --> 00:33:05,288
Um, I think I've heard it said to
certain individuals who were grieving

444
00:33:05,438 --> 00:33:06,998
the loss of their loved ones.

445
00:33:08,468 --> 00:33:11,908
You know, that they can get
themselves ready to move on,

446
00:33:11,968 --> 00:33:13,368
that they can move on from it.

447
00:33:14,168 --> 00:33:18,878
There is a way to live your life
to the fullest and most authentic

448
00:33:19,278 --> 00:33:26,078
and most aligned with the path you
deserve to be on after a death.

449
00:33:26,278 --> 00:33:27,548
And that should be the goal.

450
00:33:28,263 --> 00:33:31,403
But it isn't about moving on
from the death, because I think

451
00:33:31,403 --> 00:33:32,623
that there's no such thing.

452
00:33:32,823 --> 00:33:37,583
I think that someone's life impacting
you enough for you to grieve them when

453
00:33:37,583 --> 00:33:42,193
they have passed the portal, passed
through the veil, gone to the next level.

454
00:33:42,558 --> 00:33:42,948
World.

455
00:33:43,638 --> 00:33:45,198
That is a beautiful thing.

456
00:33:46,308 --> 00:33:52,038
So, um, I do particularly experience
death myself when someone has

457
00:33:52,038 --> 00:33:55,938
passed on, is it feels to me like
they're just in the next room.

458
00:33:56,558 --> 00:34:00,968
I may not be able to sit here in this
room and connect with them and converse

459
00:34:00,968 --> 00:34:06,638
with them like when they were alive, but
I don't feel like they're gone either.

460
00:34:07,438 --> 00:34:12,448
Um, and that has helped me
not feel like I have to.

461
00:34:13,598 --> 00:34:20,638
Grieve and get into a state of depression
over their loss that would be debilitating

462
00:34:20,638 --> 00:34:22,708
to me and being able to live my life.

463
00:34:23,418 --> 00:34:28,438
Um, and so I hope that for people who are
going through the experience of grief is

464
00:34:28,438 --> 00:34:31,448
that you can be comforted to know that

465
00:34:34,023 --> 00:34:36,663
that you're very valid in
grieving and will probably

466
00:34:36,663 --> 00:34:39,183
grieve for them your entire life.

467
00:34:39,223 --> 00:34:40,703
And that's like having that.

468
00:34:41,583 --> 00:34:45,103
It's the same as having their
love with you your entire life.

469
00:34:47,483 --> 00:34:49,693
So getting into that, I'm going
to talk a little bit about my

470
00:34:49,693 --> 00:34:51,053
experience with death and grief.

471
00:34:51,113 --> 00:34:56,403
And that is that, um, I haven't
particularly had to suffer the loss

472
00:34:56,463 --> 00:34:58,423
of someone really, really close to me.

473
00:34:58,838 --> 00:35:02,738
But I have been witness and observation
into a family that I married into

474
00:35:02,738 --> 00:35:06,268
that has a very close personal
relationship with grief and death.

475
00:35:07,548 --> 00:35:10,768
And that has given me some sort
of a unique experience with it.

476
00:35:10,878 --> 00:35:16,098
And that, um, my husband's family
have had a lot of loss and a lot of

477
00:35:16,098 --> 00:35:18,058
that loss is people who were younger.

478
00:35:20,228 --> 00:35:23,408
Um, not, you know, just elderly.

479
00:35:31,048 --> 00:35:33,748
So it's a different experience.

480
00:35:33,898 --> 00:35:34,458
I,

481
00:35:39,618 --> 00:35:42,018
I have seen it a lot of different ways.

482
00:35:42,288 --> 00:35:47,233
And one thing I've noticed about being
Connected in a family that has had to

483
00:35:47,243 --> 00:35:51,023
go through that many times even before
I entered the family, but then I have,

484
00:35:51,333 --> 00:35:56,363
you know, been their witness and part
of grieving with them when we've lost

485
00:35:56,373 --> 00:35:58,223
people since I joined the family.

486
00:35:59,373 --> 00:36:04,893
And one thing I noticed is that, um,
as a family and as part of all of

487
00:36:04,893 --> 00:36:11,648
the same religion, they, Do all live
in proximity, very close together.

488
00:36:11,678 --> 00:36:15,088
They used to joke that it was
like a compound or a commune of

489
00:36:15,458 --> 00:36:17,878
their family because they all
used to live in the same block.

490
00:36:18,368 --> 00:36:21,138
Um, even when children have grown up
and gotten married, they've lived,

491
00:36:21,288 --> 00:36:24,198
they've only moved in the same town.

492
00:36:24,208 --> 00:36:25,938
They, they have remained very close.

493
00:36:26,308 --> 00:36:29,148
My husband and I are probably the only
ones that have moved farther away.

494
00:36:29,568 --> 00:36:30,938
Uh, even now we live.

495
00:36:31,383 --> 00:36:33,813
just an hour away, an
hour and 20 minutes away.

496
00:36:33,813 --> 00:36:36,733
And we're, we live the furthest
away of anyone in the whole family.

497
00:36:37,443 --> 00:36:40,573
So they live in proximity, very close to
each other, but I haven't particularly

498
00:36:40,583 --> 00:36:45,523
seen a lot of experiences where they are
close in relationship with each other.

499
00:36:45,933 --> 00:36:50,743
Because when we get together, a lot
of conversations are typically about,

500
00:36:50,863 --> 00:36:52,333
you know, what happened at church.

501
00:36:52,568 --> 00:36:52,948
Sure.

502
00:36:53,208 --> 00:36:57,458
The neighbors or, uh, you know, Oh, I
saw so and so at the store the other

503
00:36:57,458 --> 00:37:00,758
day, or, um, how is your garden growing?

504
00:37:00,768 --> 00:37:01,928
And things like that.

505
00:37:01,998 --> 00:37:07,238
Um, what I would call more surface level
chitty chat than deep level conversations.

506
00:37:07,918 --> 00:37:13,508
My family and I are of the
deep, emotional, and really

507
00:37:16,193 --> 00:37:20,193
Get down into the nitty gritty of life
kind of, kind of conversations, but

508
00:37:20,523 --> 00:37:21,953
my husband's family is not like that.

509
00:37:22,103 --> 00:37:24,443
Uh, just different ways of doing things.

510
00:37:24,623 --> 00:37:27,283
I'm not saying anything is right or
wrong or giving any judgment about that.

511
00:37:27,283 --> 00:37:31,853
Just they're close in proximity,
not necessarily close as in

512
00:37:31,853 --> 00:37:32,943
vulnerable with each other.

513
00:37:33,683 --> 00:37:39,253
But I do notice that when Tragedy
strikes and it has many times to this

514
00:37:40,213 --> 00:37:44,753
unfortunate family, but they, they
have someone who passes away and they,

515
00:37:45,783 --> 00:37:48,013
they get real close in those moments.

516
00:37:48,363 --> 00:37:53,903
I see them talk more openly and
more vulnerably with each other.

517
00:37:54,263 --> 00:37:58,163
As they talk about the loved one
that's passed, they talk about

518
00:37:59,013 --> 00:38:00,873
memories they have of that person.

519
00:38:02,583 --> 00:38:10,053
Um, and they only really do that
in the days and weeks after the

520
00:38:10,053 --> 00:38:12,623
death and in preparation of the
funeral and things like that.

521
00:38:13,183 --> 00:38:19,633
Um, the people who have passed on in
the family don't often get mentioned.

522
00:38:21,003 --> 00:38:25,543
Um, you know, rightly so, because
it's painful to talk about them and

523
00:38:25,543 --> 00:38:27,473
remember them when they've passed on.

524
00:38:28,363 --> 00:38:36,353
But, um, but I have seen that sometimes
their religious beliefs, Uh, are, are

525
00:38:36,353 --> 00:38:44,433
made to sort of, uh, be the answer
to all the questions about death,

526
00:38:44,473 --> 00:38:45,603
and we should leave it at that.

527
00:38:46,493 --> 00:38:50,663
So, unfortunately, you know, for my
husband growing up, when he, when he

528
00:38:50,663 --> 00:38:54,423
had to go through experiences where
his brothers passed away, and his

529
00:38:54,443 --> 00:38:59,233
sister passed away, he, he has lost
all of his siblings in this world.

530
00:39:01,263 --> 00:39:05,513
And, you know, out of four
children, he's the only surviving.

531
00:39:05,513 --> 00:39:05,593
for listening.

532
00:39:05,593 --> 00:39:10,663
Which is pretty incredible when you
think about the statistics of that.

533
00:39:12,653 --> 00:39:19,733
So when something like that would
occur, it would often be, um, all

534
00:39:19,733 --> 00:39:24,293
of the emotions and the grief around
that event and the tragedy of it would

535
00:39:24,303 --> 00:39:27,333
be overridden by religious beliefs.

536
00:39:27,343 --> 00:39:30,548
So it would be like, We know
what happens to us after we die.

537
00:39:30,688 --> 00:39:31,648
We go to church.

538
00:39:32,108 --> 00:39:34,198
Church has told us that we live forever.

539
00:39:34,428 --> 00:39:38,878
If we do XYZ and we stay faithful to
the church and the gospel, then we

540
00:39:38,878 --> 00:39:40,908
will see our family members again.

541
00:39:41,588 --> 00:39:45,618
And that belief was held so strong
that oftentimes the actual healing that

542
00:39:45,618 --> 00:39:49,878
needed to happen, even like going to
counseling or therapy together as a family

543
00:39:49,878 --> 00:39:56,708
to, to express emotions and grief in a
healthy way, wasn't done in the past.

544
00:39:57,368 --> 00:40:01,758
I'm happy to say that hopefully that has,
that pattern has been broken and that

545
00:40:01,928 --> 00:40:07,818
more and more as the, as the generations,
the younger generations grow, we move

546
00:40:07,818 --> 00:40:10,888
into a space where that's not the case.

547
00:40:10,998 --> 00:40:16,088
And I use that example to hopefully
share with people that even if you

548
00:40:16,088 --> 00:40:20,458
do have a very strong religious
understanding of death, that being

549
00:40:20,468 --> 00:40:26,848
able to energetically and logically
express those things should happen.

550
00:40:27,203 --> 00:40:30,973
outside of the realm of the religious
beliefs, because that would be the

551
00:40:30,973 --> 00:40:34,103
most healthy way to bond over that.

552
00:40:35,123 --> 00:40:40,718
But as, uh, in Maruguru, Chris, the
documentary, he explains that the Welsh

553
00:40:40,738 --> 00:40:44,368
culture, it's very much not talked about.

554
00:40:44,718 --> 00:40:49,838
Um, when a person has died, they
are, you know, the corpse or the

555
00:40:49,838 --> 00:40:52,128
body is not shown afterwards.

556
00:40:52,398 --> 00:40:57,888
Um, it's very unlikely that people
would, you know, let that be seen

557
00:40:57,958 --> 00:40:59,328
or public or anything like that.

558
00:40:59,438 --> 00:41:06,238
And that it's, you know, There is
a very, um, structured process as

559
00:41:06,238 --> 00:41:12,278
far as going through the, the steps
to the funeral and those, and the

560
00:41:12,278 --> 00:41:15,828
ceremonies and rituals that need to
take place, and then the person is gone.

561
00:41:16,418 --> 00:41:22,568
And even grief and emotional expression
is happening, mostly behind closed doors.

562
00:41:23,378 --> 00:41:26,728
Um, and that is a lot of what I see
in the American culture too, which

563
00:41:26,728 --> 00:41:33,583
may be just, uh, Just a residual,
the aftermath of the people who've

564
00:41:33,613 --> 00:41:37,773
immigrated from Northern Europe into
America, that we brought that with us.

565
00:41:38,183 --> 00:41:43,093
The idea that like, oh, you know, death
happens, but we don't just bury that down

566
00:41:43,093 --> 00:41:48,848
under a blanket and We're not going to
talk about it too much, but there are a

567
00:41:48,848 --> 00:41:57,008
lot of cultures that give expression to
death as more of a, um, a full out there

568
00:41:57,048 --> 00:42:02,018
open and honest expression of whatever
feelings or whatever needs to happen.

569
00:42:02,468 --> 00:42:05,698
And I am thinking, and I'm going
to mention because of my Celtic

570
00:42:05,708 --> 00:42:07,878
background, the Keening women.

571
00:42:08,458 --> 00:42:14,868
Um, when we talk about in Celtic
culture who were actually hired to

572
00:42:14,878 --> 00:42:22,628
go and express mourning out loud
in public for a person who's died.

573
00:42:23,198 --> 00:42:25,288
Sometimes it was a stranger
to the women because they were

574
00:42:25,288 --> 00:42:26,488
hired to be there to do this.

575
00:42:26,948 --> 00:42:32,858
But in being able to express that in
a loud, actually like mournful crying,

576
00:42:32,868 --> 00:42:36,758
they were They kind of give permission
for everybody to do it, even people

577
00:42:36,758 --> 00:42:40,778
who maybe wouldn't have normally
been that public with their emotions.

578
00:42:41,698 --> 00:42:44,788
So, I have such amazing respect

579
00:42:47,038 --> 00:42:53,688
for the, the cultures that allow that,
the cultures that encourage that,

580
00:42:53,848 --> 00:42:59,218
and Keening Women, in my opinion, is
a really kind of amazing way to, um,

581
00:42:59,458 --> 00:43:01,318
to bring death out into the open.

582
00:43:02,028 --> 00:43:07,818
And, uh, in Indonesia, the, uh, the
one that, um, the culture, uh, where

583
00:43:07,828 --> 00:43:13,148
the people waited years to, to do their
funeral rites and things like that,

584
00:43:13,618 --> 00:43:18,968
um, it's interesting because you notice
how there's one, uh, When the funeral

585
00:43:18,968 --> 00:43:22,538
starts, they bring the bodies from the
home that they've been in for a couple

586
00:43:22,538 --> 00:43:23,828
of years and they bring them out.

587
00:43:24,098 --> 00:43:26,888
And everybody in the village,
including the women, especially

588
00:43:26,888 --> 00:43:33,478
the women, come and publicly mourn
and cry like the keening women.

589
00:43:33,478 --> 00:43:38,608
They cry in, you know, full
on public displays of of

590
00:43:39,028 --> 00:43:40,588
emotion, crying and all that.

591
00:43:41,418 --> 00:43:45,988
So they do that, and then the
next day Chris comes back to the

592
00:43:45,988 --> 00:43:47,998
same funeral, festiv festivities.

593
00:43:47,998 --> 00:43:48,813
And this time they are.

594
00:43:50,263 --> 00:43:55,773
laughing and celebrating and having
drums and all kinds of things.

595
00:43:55,903 --> 00:44:00,623
I mean, death is not hidden away at
all in some of the cultures that Chris

596
00:44:02,073 --> 00:44:04,103
engages with in this documentary series.

597
00:44:04,723 --> 00:44:12,258
Instead, death is openly expressed in
very, very, a regular part of the of life.

598
00:44:13,878 --> 00:44:16,418
Obviously in the episode
that he goes to Mexico.

599
00:44:16,788 --> 00:44:19,968
We have Dia de los Muertos,
which is the day of the dead that

600
00:44:19,978 --> 00:44:21,698
where they it's a celebration.

601
00:44:21,698 --> 00:44:26,598
They have the flower petals that lead the
dead from the cemetery to the homes or

602
00:44:26,598 --> 00:44:32,078
the Or a procession where they take the
ofrenda and they take it to the gravesite

603
00:44:32,118 --> 00:44:37,298
and they wait all night at the gravesite
with food and drink and wine and whatever.

604
00:44:37,328 --> 00:44:42,718
And they wait for their relatives
to cross the veil on that one night

605
00:44:42,768 --> 00:44:44,918
and, um, and have a meal with them.

606
00:44:45,438 --> 00:44:48,638
And I think that's really beautiful
just to honor your ancestors in such

607
00:44:48,638 --> 00:44:50,418
a way that makes it very personal.

608
00:44:51,553 --> 00:44:55,823
I for one have adopted some, some
of those traditions in my own family

609
00:44:55,823 --> 00:45:00,313
and household, where we do make an
ancestor altar during Thanksgiving.

610
00:45:00,623 --> 00:45:04,743
It's meant for Samhain, or what would
be Dia de los Muertos in Mexico.

611
00:45:06,938 --> 00:45:11,798
It's, uh, meant for Samhain, but, um, I
like to kind of combine different things.

612
00:45:11,848 --> 00:45:15,368
So, rather than celebrate Thanksgiving
in the traditional American sense

613
00:45:15,368 --> 00:45:19,808
of Thanksgiving, which I just don't
really agree with celebrating, uh,

614
00:45:19,818 --> 00:45:23,858
we have our feast, but we have our
feast and we have our ancestor altar.

615
00:45:24,758 --> 00:45:27,998
We create these little luminaries
with our ancestors pictures on

616
00:45:27,998 --> 00:45:32,908
them, and I let the children
introduce which ancestor they have.

617
00:45:33,118 --> 00:45:39,228
Each person gets to bring an ancestor
to the table and we say this is my great

618
00:45:39,228 --> 00:45:43,158
aunt so and so or whatever whoever it
is that we brought and we might tell

619
00:45:43,158 --> 00:45:46,548
a little story about them or anything
that we've we've learned about them.

620
00:45:46,973 --> 00:45:51,653
And then we light a little candle,
or we click the little battery,

621
00:45:51,693 --> 00:45:55,333
uh, on the little tea light
candles that our battery operated.

622
00:45:56,713 --> 00:46:00,013
And we say, welcome so and
so, and we put the candle in.

623
00:46:00,093 --> 00:46:01,813
And everyone says, welcome so and so.

624
00:46:02,303 --> 00:46:06,138
Um, and we started this ever
since the, um, We started doing

625
00:46:06,138 --> 00:46:08,878
it at Nursing Kin at the Samhain.

626
00:46:10,138 --> 00:46:15,948
And I think it's a great way for my kids
to personally know and understand their

627
00:46:16,078 --> 00:46:21,168
ancestors that have passed on before them,
before they were, came into this world.

628
00:46:21,238 --> 00:46:27,458
And, um, and some of those relatives are
very personal, personally connected with

629
00:46:27,458 --> 00:46:31,498
them, because as I said, my husband's
family has had a lot of very tragic.

630
00:46:31,813 --> 00:46:34,163
Young deaths in one family.

631
00:46:34,513 --> 00:46:38,503
So my kids would never
have gotten to meet.

632
00:46:39,223 --> 00:46:42,623
Unless they met them in the preexistence,
which is a whole other spiritual

633
00:46:42,993 --> 00:46:48,423
concept we'll save for another day,
but they get to meet their uncles.

634
00:46:48,793 --> 00:46:50,263
They get to meet their aunt.

635
00:46:50,743 --> 00:46:55,423
They get to, um, give a little hello
and shout out to their grandma.

636
00:46:55,828 --> 00:47:01,098
My husband's mother who's passed on and
anyone else that has passed on before that

637
00:47:01,108 --> 00:47:05,528
they were aware of them and, um, and they
get a close personal connection with them.

638
00:47:06,698 --> 00:47:11,218
And I think that that is a
beautiful way to let death not be

639
00:47:11,218 --> 00:47:17,148
something scary and taboo, but to
be something that is, uh, familiar.

640
00:47:18,638 --> 00:47:23,818
And that is where we are going to get
the last subtopic we're going to talk

641
00:47:23,828 --> 00:47:25,848
about, which is fear versus acceptance.

642
00:47:26,953 --> 00:47:31,483
I have had conversations with people
who, um, they themselves or family

643
00:47:31,483 --> 00:47:36,463
members of theirs will not talk
about death, will not talk about it.

644
00:47:36,833 --> 00:47:41,593
They haven't, if they have prepared
for, for it with a will of some kind

645
00:47:41,603 --> 00:47:45,823
or a trust, they, they don't discuss
it with their family members, which

646
00:47:45,823 --> 00:47:52,113
I think is sad and probably not a
smart or wise decision, but, uh,

647
00:47:54,413 --> 00:47:58,373
it makes it very difficult for their
family members to prepare or want to.

648
00:47:58,713 --> 00:48:02,813
Give them what it is that they would
want, not just after death, like as in

649
00:48:02,823 --> 00:48:05,893
what they would want as a funeral or
what they would want to celebrate their

650
00:48:05,893 --> 00:48:08,423
life, but even as preparing for death.

651
00:48:09,373 --> 00:48:12,903
And I remember in the, in the
secular Buddhist podcast, he

652
00:48:12,903 --> 00:48:14,688
mentioned a story where he had a
friend that was preparing for death.

653
00:48:15,228 --> 00:48:18,348
Diagnosed with a terminal
illness cancer, I think.

654
00:48:18,668 --> 00:48:24,608
And he lunched with them one on one and
he said, what's it like to be dying?

655
00:48:25,628 --> 00:48:28,838
And his friend said, I don't know.

656
00:48:30,008 --> 00:48:32,078
You tell me, what do you think?

657
00:48:32,618 --> 00:48:33,898
What is it like to be dying?

658
00:48:34,928 --> 00:48:37,918
He says, just because I was diagnosed
with terminal cancer, doesn't mean

659
00:48:37,928 --> 00:48:40,458
that I'm dying before you, you
could be hit by a bus tomorrow.

660
00:48:40,778 --> 00:48:41,588
We're all dying.

661
00:48:42,078 --> 00:48:43,278
We just don't know when that will be.

662
00:48:44,738 --> 00:48:47,018
And we have no certainties about that.

663
00:48:48,558 --> 00:48:51,128
And if the tragic deaths
that I have been in.

664
00:48:51,638 --> 00:48:54,938
seen and experienced in my husband's
family have taught me anything.

665
00:48:54,938 --> 00:49:00,068
It's that, it's that I could, I
could have an aneurysm or something

666
00:49:00,098 --> 00:49:03,308
in my brain and drop dead tomorrow.

667
00:49:04,078 --> 00:49:06,698
What is it that I would
want to leave behind?

668
00:49:06,708 --> 00:49:09,738
And what, what is it that I would
want my children and my husband and

669
00:49:09,738 --> 00:49:14,328
my family and everyone I know to, what
would I want them to know before I go?

670
00:49:14,958 --> 00:49:17,308
I would want to know, I would
want them to know that they're

671
00:49:17,308 --> 00:49:18,818
loved, that I loved them.

672
00:49:20,168 --> 00:49:23,998
Um, which if I've had trouble expressing
that, then I want to work on that.

673
00:49:24,773 --> 00:49:28,803
And I would want them
to know that it's okay.

674
00:49:29,523 --> 00:49:32,263
That if I die, I'm okay.

675
00:49:33,663 --> 00:49:37,373
No matter what, even if there's
nothing after this, you know,

676
00:49:38,373 --> 00:49:39,813
let's say the atheists are right.

677
00:49:40,273 --> 00:49:45,843
There's absolutely nothing, but
that's okay too, because I won't know.

678
00:49:46,393 --> 00:49:49,363
And I won't be sad
because I'll be nothing.

679
00:49:49,823 --> 00:49:50,753
I'll be okay.

680
00:49:52,103 --> 00:49:53,193
Don't worry about it.

681
00:49:53,193 --> 00:49:57,893
And don't be afraid because I am
going to be alright, and you're

682
00:49:57,893 --> 00:50:00,623
going to be alright, and it's
all going to work out just fine.

683
00:50:02,033 --> 00:50:05,443
And, if I die, that means I did
all the things I was meant to do.

684
00:50:06,233 --> 00:50:07,043
Whatever that was.

685
00:50:07,223 --> 00:50:07,723
I did it.

686
00:50:08,203 --> 00:50:08,703
I'm done.

687
00:50:09,178 --> 00:50:09,788
So I'm good.

688
00:50:11,218 --> 00:50:15,728
And I just think that in talking about
and discussing death openly with my

689
00:50:15,728 --> 00:50:22,438
children, it will help them have a comfort
of, uh, a comfort with uncertainty that

690
00:50:22,438 --> 00:50:26,188
I myself have and would like to have.

691
00:50:27,758 --> 00:50:31,058
And that no regrets, right?

692
00:50:31,658 --> 00:50:36,318
I remember when I was going to England,
before I left, I thought to myself, well,

693
00:50:36,328 --> 00:50:38,188
I'm going on a plane for a very long time.

694
00:50:38,533 --> 00:50:40,603
Lots of things can happen
going to a foreign country.

695
00:50:40,663 --> 00:50:41,623
Lots of things can happen.

696
00:50:42,153 --> 00:50:47,373
I'm just going to sit down and write out
a letter as if I don't make it back and

697
00:50:47,513 --> 00:50:50,543
write a letter to my family and say all
the things that I want to say to them

698
00:50:50,613 --> 00:50:52,273
so that they can just find the letter.

699
00:50:52,613 --> 00:50:55,473
And I will, you know,
have my last word in.

700
00:50:56,603 --> 00:50:57,053
So I did.

701
00:50:57,053 --> 00:50:59,593
I sat down and I wrote a big old
letter for my husband and my kids.

702
00:50:59,593 --> 00:51:00,473
It was very emotional.

703
00:51:00,503 --> 00:51:04,223
Of course I cried during it, but
not because I was sad or afraid,

704
00:51:04,223 --> 00:51:05,373
but because it was emotional.

705
00:51:06,113 --> 00:51:10,623
And what I recognized in writing
that letter as if I was going to die

706
00:51:11,073 --> 00:51:14,393
was I don't have a whole lot to say.

707
00:51:15,023 --> 00:51:21,723
Other than I love you and everything
that you do is okay with me and I

708
00:51:21,733 --> 00:51:27,783
accept you and you can forgive me,
hopefully, for anything that I did to

709
00:51:27,783 --> 00:51:33,353
offend you in my lifetime and Um, and
don't be sad for me because if I die

710
00:51:33,353 --> 00:51:36,803
on this trip to England, I died doing
something that I am absolutely thrilled

711
00:51:36,813 --> 00:51:38,663
to be doing that I, that I would love.

712
00:51:39,043 --> 00:51:40,623
So it was worth it.

713
00:51:41,133 --> 00:51:46,293
It's worth risking my life to go
and do and live my life to do things

714
00:51:46,293 --> 00:51:47,443
that I really, really want to do.

715
00:51:48,873 --> 00:51:51,023
And so when I got done, I felt great.

716
00:51:51,373 --> 00:51:52,273
I didn't feel afraid.

717
00:51:52,303 --> 00:51:53,033
I didn't feel nervous.

718
00:51:53,293 --> 00:51:56,003
I could just go on with
my life and I didn't die.

719
00:51:56,143 --> 00:51:58,573
I made it back and
everything is okay for now.

720
00:52:00,453 --> 00:52:05,413
I remember my grandmother, the one I
was talking about earlier, who was dying

721
00:52:05,983 --> 00:52:09,003
and everyone got to gather around and
everyone got to say their goodbyes.

722
00:52:09,533 --> 00:52:14,723
Um, I remember many, many years
before that when I was just a kid, she

723
00:52:14,733 --> 00:52:16,453
said something that I never forgot.

724
00:52:16,703 --> 00:52:22,733
And she said, I'm not afraid to die
because I'll get all my answers.

725
00:52:23,623 --> 00:52:27,173
that I've ever wanted to know
about anything about the world

726
00:52:27,173 --> 00:52:31,503
and how it works and the universe
and you know, God and everything.

727
00:52:32,063 --> 00:52:34,313
She just said, I would
get all that answered.

728
00:52:35,013 --> 00:52:36,503
And that's pretty great.

729
00:52:36,503 --> 00:52:37,523
I'm excited for that.

730
00:52:37,903 --> 00:52:40,363
I'll be excited to have that finally.

731
00:52:41,283 --> 00:52:44,313
And so I can go anytime and I'll be okay.

732
00:52:45,543 --> 00:52:47,323
And she was still fairly
young at that point.

733
00:52:47,343 --> 00:52:51,903
I remember she was probably only 65 when
she said that I was just a little kid.

734
00:52:53,403 --> 00:52:56,953
But it stuck with me because I
thought to myself, my grandma is

735
00:52:56,983 --> 00:52:58,733
older and she will die someday.

736
00:53:00,053 --> 00:53:05,003
And I, when I thought about that, I
was devastated because I love her.

737
00:53:05,053 --> 00:53:08,023
I loved her so much and I did
not want her to go anywhere.

738
00:53:08,383 --> 00:53:09,413
I wanted to see her.

739
00:53:09,423 --> 00:53:11,963
I wanted to visit her.

740
00:53:12,833 --> 00:53:17,353
But when she said that, it made me
feel like even when she does go.

741
00:53:19,313 --> 00:53:20,353
I'll be okay.

742
00:53:21,983 --> 00:53:26,373
I'll know she's okay because she
told me she was okay with it.

743
00:53:27,303 --> 00:53:31,103
And that's a sort of peace and
comfort I would like to give my kids.

744
00:53:31,253 --> 00:53:34,383
And that's how I would like to
have a relationship with death.

745
00:53:36,793 --> 00:53:37,193
All right.

746
00:53:37,193 --> 00:53:38,563
And wrapping up this topic.

747
00:53:38,563 --> 00:53:40,623
And I know we've been at it for a while.

748
00:53:40,813 --> 00:53:43,798
Don't even know how long this
has gone, but we've Covered all

749
00:53:43,798 --> 00:53:45,078
of the things I wanted to cover.

750
00:53:45,108 --> 00:53:49,948
And in wrapping up, I just want to say
that life itself is full of deaths.

751
00:53:50,348 --> 00:53:51,798
Every winter is a death.

752
00:53:52,148 --> 00:53:54,968
Every time we go through something
incredibly hard that makes

753
00:53:54,968 --> 00:53:59,118
us question everything we've
ever known, that's a death.

754
00:53:59,578 --> 00:54:02,378
We are experiencing death
in many different ways.

755
00:54:02,928 --> 00:54:06,098
of ourselves and of our
ego throughout our lives.

756
00:54:06,168 --> 00:54:09,728
And it's part of the
calcination of alchemy.

757
00:54:09,758 --> 00:54:15,278
Like we discussed in the alchemy episode,
it's part of the process of purification

758
00:54:15,278 --> 00:54:22,908
that we need to go through to become our
absolute philosopher stone authentic self.

759
00:54:22,958 --> 00:54:26,428
The part of us that never changes the
part of us that's the pure and whole part.

760
00:54:27,418 --> 00:54:31,148
And whether we get to be that after
we die, or we get to experience it in

761
00:54:31,158 --> 00:54:35,733
little moments of heaven throughout
our lives, living our lives.

762
00:54:37,153 --> 00:54:42,173
I do believe that and I do know
I've experienced it and I can bet

763
00:54:42,243 --> 00:54:44,663
that anybody listening to me right
now has experienced that too.

764
00:54:45,943 --> 00:54:48,423
So allow yourself to be
comfortable with death.

765
00:54:48,893 --> 00:54:53,953
Allow yourself to face it even when
it's uncomfortable to think about and

766
00:54:53,953 --> 00:54:58,993
that aging and mortality and cemeteries.

767
00:54:59,978 --> 00:55:05,588
won't scare you when you have a
really good relationship with death.

768
00:55:06,488 --> 00:55:09,528
Maybe seek out a death doula if
you're still feeling uncomfortable.

769
00:55:09,528 --> 00:55:11,568
I think that'd be a great idea.

770
00:55:12,638 --> 00:55:16,603
All right, so to finish things up,
I would like to thank Just Blane and

771
00:55:16,603 --> 00:55:20,423
Ride the Wave Media for producing
and putting out this podcast.

772
00:55:20,473 --> 00:55:23,993
If you want to check out any of
the other amazing podcasts that are

773
00:55:23,993 --> 00:55:29,103
available, find Ride the Wave Media on
YouTube or where you get your podcasts.

774
00:55:29,823 --> 00:55:35,213
Many of my good friends are in my, uh,
are in my social network, are in my

775
00:55:35,213 --> 00:55:40,593
podcast network and have podcasts and
um, have been guests here on my podcast.

776
00:55:40,783 --> 00:55:44,503
And they have amazing content
that you should seek out because

777
00:55:44,513 --> 00:55:45,723
it's all a little bit magical.

778
00:55:47,273 --> 00:55:49,373
I use magic every day.

779
00:55:50,783 --> 00:55:55,343
I hope that you use this podcast,
this experience to create magic in

780
00:55:55,343 --> 00:55:59,273
everyday life, to strengthen your
relationships, to heal, to prosper,

781
00:55:59,423 --> 00:56:04,463
to thrive, and to have a great 2025.

782
00:56:07,723 --> 00:56:13,323
You can find me and the work
that I do on Prism Healing.

783
00:56:14,323 --> 00:56:16,753
My website is prism healing.com.

784
00:56:17,703 --> 00:56:20,643
My Instagram is Prism underscore healing.

785
00:56:21,213 --> 00:56:24,433
My Facebook is Courtney
Pearls Prism Healing.

786
00:56:25,063 --> 00:56:27,703
In any of those avenues, you can find me.

787
00:56:27,733 --> 00:56:29,723
You can message me questions.

788
00:56:30,308 --> 00:56:32,028
things that you have listened to.

789
00:56:32,478 --> 00:56:37,538
And please make sure that when you
are watching this YouTube video or

790
00:56:37,538 --> 00:56:41,098
listening on Spotify or wherever
you're listening to this podcast, that

791
00:56:41,098 --> 00:56:45,148
you like, subscribe, and even share
episodes that are meaningful to you

792
00:56:45,348 --> 00:56:47,028
with someone you think it will help.

793
00:56:47,498 --> 00:56:50,618
That is why I create this
content is to help people.

794
00:56:50,688 --> 00:56:55,278
And if any of the content or
experiences that I. Can put out there

795
00:56:55,278 --> 00:56:56,658
in the world that might help you.

796
00:56:57,168 --> 00:56:58,308
That is why I do this work.

797
00:56:58,788 --> 00:57:02,998
And if you'd like to support this
podcast further, you can leave a review.

798
00:57:03,278 --> 00:57:09,108
You can, um, Well, just liking and
subscribing is actually a great

799
00:57:09,108 --> 00:57:12,118
way to support this podcast, but
you can also become a sponsor.

800
00:57:12,118 --> 00:57:15,368
If you would like, if you have a business
and you would like me to mention or create

801
00:57:15,368 --> 00:57:18,878
a promotion for your business and you
want to sponsor the work that we do here,

802
00:57:19,478 --> 00:57:25,448
reach out to us and let And until next
time, witches and wizards, go make magic.