Embracing Death and Grief: A Celtic Priestess' Perspective

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Hello and welcome to Practically Magic.

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I am your host Courtney Pearl.

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I am owner of Prism Healing and
today I'm your Celtic Priestess.

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We are going to dive into an episode
today about death and grieving and it's

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going to be a really important one.

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One that I have spent the last few
weeks months even researching and

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preparing for because I wanted to
approach this subject with all of the

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wonder and respect that it deserves.

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And so before we begin
on our main topic today.

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I would like to pull a card for our
episode and for you, our audience.

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I am going to pull a card from
the Storyteller's Tarot today.

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For those of you who can see
me on YouTube, you can look and

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see what the deck looks like.

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Um, I picked this up recently.

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It's a fairly new deck, so I am
excited to play with it some more.

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And as you know, um, as part of work
that I do, I am a lore keeper, and I

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love folklore, and I love mythology.

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And so when I saw this deck, I just had
to have it as you know how that goes.

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And so I'm going to pull
a card for us today.

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Perhaps it has something to do
with our episode topic, or perhaps

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it has something to do with you.

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This is our first episode back in 2025.

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Welcome.

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Welcome to 2025.

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We have made it through the thresholds.

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At the time I am recording
this, it is winter.

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And, uh, that is a perfect opportunity
for us to talk about death.

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Winter being a, a symbol of death

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and rebirth in the spring.

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So today's episode, today's
card for today's episode is

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going to be the Ace of Scepters.

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In this deck, I believe Ace of Scepters
is corresponding with the Ace of Wands

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in the traditional tarot, but the image
on the card, if you can see, for those

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of you who are watching on YouTube, um,
it is the Ursa Major, the symbol of the

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constellation of stars and the bear.

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Um, The first thing I thought of when
I saw this, though, if I remember

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correctly, the guidebook doesn't
necessarily mention this, but I associate

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this card quite a bit with King Arthur.

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And it's interesting because
I just finished a book.

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Um, fiction, but very, uh,

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saturated with good old folklore,
um, read a book about King Arthur

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and the Knights of the Round Table,
a legend I particularly love having

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come from, uh, Welsh mythology.

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And, uh, the, the word Arthur, uh, a
lot of people associate Arth as the

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Welsh word for bear and believe that
has a connection there to the Ursa

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Major, uh, the bear, and the sky, and
the North Star, and the Big Dipper.

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And what this is saying for us,
particularly in pulling this card today,

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this is a card of new beginnings, of
um, I would associate it more with a

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rebirth than I would with death, so
it's interesting that this card is

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coming up for us today on our subject.

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Um, but it does give us the impression
of new beginnings, of something

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starting, and of creativity brewing.

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I want us all to be very careful.

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Uh, a lot of the mythical and mystic
type people like myself would be giving

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you the same message, which is, I want
you all to be very careful in new years.

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We just had New Year's and a lot of people
get caught up in the excitement of a new

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year and New Year's resolutions are all
the rage, you know, it's the thing to do.

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To come up with all these new
things you're going to do and you're

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going to start the January 1st or
January, you know, you're going to

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start doing all of these new things.

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You're going to start putting
and implementing all of these

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new things into your life.

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This is an opportunity to say,
slow down, because wintertime and

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even in new beginnings, we don't
want to run at something gung

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ho, uh, Straight at the attack.

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Um, wintertime is an invitation
to rest and remember winter just

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started so we have essentially the
next six weeks or longer depending

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on what calendar you're using to
hunker down, to hibernate, to rest.

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Um, I often joke with my neighbors and
friends who live around me locally.

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Um, You will know it's spring when the
witch comes out of her cottage, um,

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the witch meaning me, because I do a
lot of staying indoors in the winter.

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I have tried to get out more and just,
um, take Walks in the cold and still

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engage with the outdoors so that I
don't lose myself too much in that.

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But for the most part, I give
myself permission to do a lot

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less than what I would normally
do in the schedule of summer.

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Um, there's a reason Why our ancestors
lived by the light of the sun and

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was more productive and active during
the time when they would be planting

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and harvesting during the spring,
summer, fall months of the year.

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But winter was a time to harvest.

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Rest.

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To go indoors, to do indoor activities,
and to, um, to do only what you

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can do during the daylight hours,
which are far less hours than the

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other times of the year, obviously.

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Now we have invented, uh, electricity
and lights, and we can stay up late if

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we want to, and we can get up early.

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But I think that that goes against
the natural rhythms of our body.

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And I want to bring this up because we're
moving into, um, the, the discussion

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topic of the day, which is death.

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And I know that this can be an
uncomfortable topic, especially if you

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are of Northern European culture or North
American culture, we have a tendency to be

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very closed mouthed and taboo about death.

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We don't really want to look at it.

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We don't really want to face
our own mortality too much.

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And when you look at the influence of, uh,
religion and the spread of Christianity

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throughout the world, you see that a
lot of, you know, covering up the idea

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of death with, um, well, if we believe
in an afterlife and we believe that we

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can live forever, then we really don't
need to even broach the topic of death

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or grief or loss when someone has died.

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And I'm going to talk a little bit about
this topic in a couple of different, um, a

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couple of different topics, uh, subtopics.

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I don't know what you want to
call it, but, uh, An outline.

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Um, I want to talk about it in a spiritual
context of what and how we approach death,

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but I also want to talk about grief.

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I want to talk about culture and
I want to talk about acceptance.

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And when we talk about the spiritual
aspect of it, which is, more or less

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where I like to discuss the most as
a priestess, as a spiritual person.

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Um, I do want to be careful because people
who often, uh, associate themselves or,

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uh, stick their faith to a particular
dogma or religion, that tends to

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override the natural feelings of grief.

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And sometimes those
feelings can get ignored.

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Um, and I will talk personally about
some situations that I have observed

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and noticed in my own culture and
in my own family, um, and the family

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that I married into, that will show
that there are And that there needs

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to be some attention brought to that.

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But as far as most cultures that you
will see, a spiritual aspect of death

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is that it is like a portal, that we
are going from one life to the next.

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That, um, Um, even if you were, let's
say, um, atheists or agnostic or

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didn't necessarily have a spiritual
belief about a soul that goes into

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another, another realm or that there's
a heaven or another place after we die.

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Um, I like that Neil Tyson Degrassi,
he's a scientist who thinks in

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terms of science, but he explained
that the energy that is our

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collective, That is our consciousness
that allows our body to work.

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Um, it has to go somewhere after
we die and our body ceases to live.

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We have done scientific experiments
to, uh, know and understand that

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the body loses a certain amount of
weight when the soul passes from it.

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So whether you want to call it a
soul or a spirit doesn't matter.

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really matter, but to know that there
is an energy about our aliveness that

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leaves the body when the body passes
away and where it goes, whether it goes,

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you know, to another realm or another
dimension possibly, or another timeline,

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or could it possibly be reallocated as
energy does into the universe as allowing

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new plants to grow and allow, you know,
it's the energy that is going to provide

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something else to live once we've died.

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And I think that even when you look
at it from a scientific aspect,

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that's still pretty magical.

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I mean, I don't think you have to be
in necessarily spiritual person or

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a mystic to understand that the body
does have energy that leaves and gets

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allocated, reallocated to different
places in the universe when we die.

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And that allows other things
live and grow and be born.

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And isn't that amazing?

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I mean, you don't need religion or
spirituality to just understand that

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the world is a pretty amazing place
and it's pretty magical already.

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So we understand and we know
that that, that's what happens.

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Um, what I've gotten interested
in the last few years is

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the sacredness around death.

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Um, especially if you know
death is a is coming soon.

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If someone is terminal or if they have
gotten a diagnosis or something that

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allows you to have time to prepare in
that way, um, I would argue that we're

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all in that state, uh, but we'll talk
about that a little bit more later.

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I, I'm just really, really interested
and really fascinated by the absolute

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vulnerability and sacredness
around death when it comes to a

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person dying and their family.

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Um, I have come in contact
with it a couple of times.

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I would like to interview them for
the podcast in a future episode.

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So stay tuned for that.

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If you're interested, I'm going to
get, uh, Get that arranged, but I

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have talked to a death doula and that
idea is really fascinating to me.

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I don't know if that's ever on the horizon
for myself, but as a priestess, that

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sounds really fascinating to be somebody
who can help facilitate death in that

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way, or even just be kind of that person
who helps people through that situation.

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And a death doula is a fantastic idea.

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I had a doula at the birth of
my sons when I was pregnant.

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And I, I remember when my grandmother was
passing away and she had an opportunity

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to know that she was on her way out and
that she was probably going to be gone in

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a matter of days and felt well enough to
invite the family to come and say goodbye.

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And, um, that experience was fascinating
and Difficult and beautiful all at the

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same time, but it reminded me a lot
of a birth because nobody knew exactly

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when it was happening and we were all
kind of measuring the signs of her body

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and her, um, you know, when she, she
began to get really sleepy and was only

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awake for, for small moments at a time.

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And, You know, just different things
that, um, the hospice nurse and, um,

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my aunt who is a nurse practitioner,
she, she was very comfortable

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and aware of the signs of death.

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So she was helping us understand like,
okay, her body is going through this.

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We're going to see these
signs as it gets closer.

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So just like a woman in labor
about to give birth to a new

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baby, you're watching the signs.

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in a similar way and people are
gathering and people are discussing it

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and people are, you know, there's just
this closeness that's created with that

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and I found it to be really beautiful
and a really beautiful opportunity to

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bond and connect with our family, um,
much in the way a new baby can do that.

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Uh, I had a doula at the birth of my
sons and it was, Highly recommended,

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um, I really loved, uh, they were called
Bud to Blossom, uh, Bud to Blossom?

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Yeah, um, doulas and their whole team is
amazing and they came before the birth

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and prepped me and helped me and went to
my house and helped preps my house and

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you know, they did all these things to
help prepare me and my husband and my

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family for you're going to be bringing
twin babies home from the hospital.

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That's going to be Pretty
amazing and life altering.

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So let's prepare.

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And a death doula would do the same thing.

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They would allow the family to converse
about their feelings and express

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what they would want to see happen or
what they don't want to see happen.

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The person who's going through the
death that's dying gets to express

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how they would like that to go.

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And the death doula is like a facilitator
guiding them through that, um, in a lot

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of the ways a spiritual leader would do.

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except they're very much
well trained in doing it.

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Whereas I think sometimes church
leaders don't have the training,

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they just have, I guess, God
appointed them to that position, so

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they just Do something like that.

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Um, I highly recommend a deaf doula, so.

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Uh, I think that would be a fantastic
idea to have someone there to

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facilitate those conversations.

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And to make as many things possible happen
for the person who's dying to have the

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experience that they would want to have in
passing through that portal to their next.

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great beyond, whatever
that might look like.

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But there is sort of a, um, an
understanding and spiritual context

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of passing through the veil.

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And, um, I know a lot of people in the
mystical world or mediums or people

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who can feel energies like that.

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They can really feel when the veil is thin
and when the spiritual world is closely

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connected with the living or when there
are certain messages coming through.

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Um, I am particularly
fascinated with mediums.

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I have met and seen and watched
on TV mediums that I felt like

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This feels like we're exploiting
people and this feels like we're

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taking advantage of people that
are in a very emotional state.

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And I have felt and seen things
that I know, um, and this is just

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00:16:53,608 --> 00:16:58,248
According to me, we're very authentic
and we're very much, um, in the

218
00:16:58,268 --> 00:16:59,988
effort of helping people heal.

219
00:17:00,658 --> 00:17:05,928
And so I do want people to use their best
discretion, their intuition on whether or

220
00:17:05,928 --> 00:17:10,048
not a person they're engaging with is just
taking advantage of their emotional state

221
00:17:10,108 --> 00:17:15,528
or whether they are helping them heal
by connecting them to whatever messages

222
00:17:15,528 --> 00:17:17,368
need to happen in the, in the afterlife.

223
00:17:18,268 --> 00:17:25,218
Um, my experience with people passing
on is that Yes, I have had what I felt

224
00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:30,008
were very, very direct conversations
and experiences with people who've

225
00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:31,108
passed on to the other world.

226
00:17:31,708 --> 00:17:34,438
Um, I wouldn't go around telling
people that I am a medium.

227
00:17:34,808 --> 00:17:38,768
I just have had experiences that
I do believe that anyone who's

228
00:17:38,768 --> 00:17:43,608
willing to practice that skill
or to engage with that, get in

229
00:17:43,608 --> 00:17:46,078
touch with their own clair skills.

230
00:17:46,578 --> 00:17:49,708
So whether they're clairvoyant
or clairsentient or clairaudient,

231
00:17:49,718 --> 00:17:53,673
or, um, there's many different
ways that you can Access.

232
00:17:54,803 --> 00:17:55,303
Excuse me.

233
00:17:56,163 --> 00:17:56,793
Access.

234
00:17:57,453 --> 00:17:59,103
Knowledge from that other side.

235
00:17:59,938 --> 00:18:04,708
Um, but I do believe that there are
different dimensions or realms, or

236
00:18:06,408 --> 00:18:10,948
they kind of exist as different, uh,
in Reiki they kind of talk about it

237
00:18:10,948 --> 00:18:16,748
as the different heavens, um, but
sort of different levels or realms

238
00:18:16,818 --> 00:18:23,368
of, from the plane of existence
that is Earth, and that, that that

239
00:18:23,428 --> 00:18:25,968
exists in a higher, lighter sense.

240
00:18:26,028 --> 00:18:33,948
So I do think that when a soul dies or
leaves their body, they go into a level

241
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:39,418
of their white light selves that no
longer associates with the ego and the

242
00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:41,338
body and their existence here on earth.

243
00:18:42,628 --> 00:18:47,498
So when they want to connect or
engage with someone on earth.

244
00:18:47,858 --> 00:18:51,088
I think it's actually very
difficult for them when they've

245
00:18:51,118 --> 00:18:52,568
passed through the light.

246
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,618
Uh, and that's just using terminology
that most people understand.

247
00:18:55,858 --> 00:19:00,078
Um, I'm not saying for sure that
this is what it's like, but they

248
00:19:00,078 --> 00:19:03,778
pass through that realm into
the next level of consciousness.

249
00:19:03,838 --> 00:19:09,528
And I think that they are so much into
the Being of light that they become

250
00:19:09,528 --> 00:19:14,488
that coming back to earth and engaging
as their ego self, looking like they

251
00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:20,368
looked on earth, or, um, you know, even
engaging with the people that they left

252
00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:23,138
behind can be very difficult for them.

253
00:19:23,868 --> 00:19:25,658
I think that it can feel,

254
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,608
for lack of a better
term, it just feels icky.

255
00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:44,058
I imagine it to be more like if a person
was, um, going to, had moved on from a

256
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:48,818
very embarrassing situation, but they had
to go back and relive that embarrassing

257
00:19:48,818 --> 00:19:52,558
situation, then that's what it would feel
like to come back to Earth and to be in

258
00:19:52,568 --> 00:19:56,183
their, in, in their, um, In that realm.

259
00:19:56,633 --> 00:19:59,323
So I don't think that they've
reached out to connect very

260
00:19:59,353 --> 00:20:00,683
often unless it's necessary.

261
00:20:00,683 --> 00:20:05,103
And I do think that they do retain
some essence of familiarity with

262
00:20:05,103 --> 00:20:06,873
their family members and loved ones.

263
00:20:07,263 --> 00:20:09,113
I think they do watch out for us.

264
00:20:09,143 --> 00:20:10,963
I think they do come to our events.

265
00:20:10,993 --> 00:20:12,423
I think they're very much involved.

266
00:20:12,473 --> 00:20:15,253
I just don't think that they
slip into what, what would be

267
00:20:15,253 --> 00:20:17,503
considered, you know, a ghost.

268
00:20:17,553 --> 00:20:20,443
Like we see them walking around
in the clothes that they used

269
00:20:20,443 --> 00:20:22,513
to in the way that they looked.

270
00:20:23,433 --> 00:20:25,463
Um, and I don't think that they visit.

271
00:20:26,083 --> 00:20:30,033
Uh, to give a message through a
medium unless they really feel

272
00:20:30,033 --> 00:20:33,243
the need to, because I don't think
that that's comfortable for them.

273
00:20:34,263 --> 00:20:39,163
Um, and again, this is just
according to my, uh, what I have

274
00:20:39,163 --> 00:20:40,803
researched and what I have felt.

275
00:20:41,743 --> 00:20:46,633
And so I do think, and I say these
things because I want the larger

276
00:20:46,633 --> 00:20:49,513
audience to know that there is
something mystical and magical about

277
00:20:49,543 --> 00:20:52,943
the afterlife and about leaving our
earthly realm and into the netherworld.

278
00:20:53,468 --> 00:20:55,898
Next, whatever we go and do.

279
00:20:56,528 --> 00:20:58,768
Uh, I personally do believe
in reincarnation too.

280
00:20:58,818 --> 00:21:01,678
I believe that our soul
can be like a diamond.

281
00:21:02,988 --> 00:21:06,788
That it has many, many, many facets to it.

282
00:21:07,238 --> 00:21:11,038
And that each lifetime we live,
we experience things and we have

283
00:21:11,048 --> 00:21:19,958
challenges that allow us to, shall
we say, polish or add pressure to

284
00:21:20,198 --> 00:21:24,628
the unpolished and maybe, uh, dull,

285
00:21:26,968 --> 00:21:31,988
Uh, craggly, foggy sides of our diamond.

286
00:21:32,718 --> 00:21:38,108
So the soul is not complete and ready
to ascend to the highest kingdom

287
00:21:38,108 --> 00:21:41,808
of heaven or whatever you want to
believe happens to us after we die.

288
00:21:43,018 --> 00:21:47,108
I don't believe that it's ready to do
that unless we have experienced and

289
00:21:47,168 --> 00:21:51,148
gone through the things that we are
meant to do to polish each and every

290
00:21:51,158 --> 00:21:52,998
facet of the diamond that is our soul.

291
00:21:54,098 --> 00:21:56,108
Um, I'm using metaphors, uh, to help.

292
00:21:56,428 --> 00:21:59,508
explain how I understand it to work.

293
00:21:59,748 --> 00:22:03,518
Um, and that doesn't mean that this
is based on any dogma or religion.

294
00:22:03,528 --> 00:22:08,078
It's just how I've experienced,
uh, coming to this kind of

295
00:22:08,078 --> 00:22:13,138
knowledge with my own experiences
and readings, things like that.

296
00:22:14,858 --> 00:22:17,548
But the reason I tell you all of
this is to help you understand that

297
00:22:17,548 --> 00:22:23,583
whether it's in one lifetime here on
earth or whether it's after we We are

298
00:22:23,583 --> 00:22:25,553
reincarnated or whatever we have to do.

299
00:22:25,583 --> 00:22:27,673
I think that we are given many chances.

300
00:22:28,213 --> 00:22:32,193
I don't think it's like, you live one
life here on earth and that's all you get.

301
00:22:32,213 --> 00:22:38,198
And if your life is miserable, or if
you happen to be born with like a I

302
00:22:38,198 --> 00:22:44,838
don't know, uh, you're a sociopathic
psychopath that doesn't know anything

303
00:22:44,868 --> 00:22:47,878
other than, um, harming people.

304
00:22:48,568 --> 00:22:51,938
Um, I know that there are people who would
say, well, those people don't have a soul.

305
00:22:51,958 --> 00:22:53,908
They're just here to do
harm to other humans.

306
00:22:53,968 --> 00:22:56,828
And that can be really harsh.

307
00:22:56,878 --> 00:23:00,968
Um, and you can be a sociopath and not
do harm to others, just so you know.

308
00:23:01,558 --> 00:23:02,748
I'm not saying that either.

309
00:23:04,128 --> 00:23:08,448
Ugh, it feels like so many different
things that I could get totally blasted

310
00:23:08,448 --> 00:23:13,648
for, but all I'm saying is that there are
people who believe that those people don't

311
00:23:13,648 --> 00:23:18,178
have a soul at all, and I'm saying, what
if they do, but their experience of having

312
00:23:18,188 --> 00:23:23,128
that difficulty here on this planet, and
maybe spending their entire life in prison

313
00:23:23,488 --> 00:23:28,373
here, and then dying It might feel to
the rest of us like a waste of being a

314
00:23:28,373 --> 00:23:32,513
human when maybe that was just one side
of the diamond of their soul that they

315
00:23:32,513 --> 00:23:36,303
needed to polish this time and they needed
to experience something else next time.

316
00:23:36,973 --> 00:23:41,303
And there's karmic debt that
they need to, um, that they need

317
00:23:41,303 --> 00:23:45,568
to, uh, experience something.

318
00:23:47,168 --> 00:23:50,808
And it's a larger picture that no one
human could ever have all the answers for.

319
00:23:51,658 --> 00:23:56,008
And that we get to another idea that
I want to touch on, which is when it

320
00:23:56,008 --> 00:24:01,128
comes to death and the afterlife, um,
I really, really appreciate the ideas

321
00:24:01,128 --> 00:24:06,848
brought by, uh, secular Buddhism, which
is to be comfortable with uncertainty.

322
00:24:07,458 --> 00:24:11,948
A lot of people seek out religious
dogma or religious ideas about what

323
00:24:11,958 --> 00:24:16,668
happens to us after we die, because
they want the certainty of like, I know.

324
00:24:17,328 --> 00:24:21,258
For certain that if I do these things
on this earth and if I'm a good person

325
00:24:21,258 --> 00:24:24,428
and I do the right and I make the
right choices and I'm worthy, I get

326
00:24:24,428 --> 00:24:27,178
to go and be in a heaven afterlife.

327
00:24:27,178 --> 00:24:30,718
I get to be in something that is
reward at the end of it all and

328
00:24:30,718 --> 00:24:33,308
makes all the sacrifices that
I had in this life worth it.

329
00:24:35,018 --> 00:24:37,888
The fact of the matter is, is
that none of us really know.

330
00:24:38,708 --> 00:24:41,988
Even I'm sitting here telling you what
I think I know or what I have felt

331
00:24:42,088 --> 00:24:45,948
and what, um, how I've experienced
it, but I can be totally wrong.

332
00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:49,248
Nothing that I'm saying
could be right either.

333
00:24:49,488 --> 00:24:53,633
It could be just as simple as the
scientific explanation of our soul

334
00:24:53,663 --> 00:24:59,783
dissipates, dissipates into, into,
um, into the rest of the world.

335
00:24:59,793 --> 00:25:02,833
And it becomes part of the
energy that operates the world.

336
00:25:04,233 --> 00:25:06,353
And either way, that's okay.

337
00:25:06,953 --> 00:25:11,733
I'm not a person who at this point
in my life, at least, is walking

338
00:25:11,733 --> 00:25:13,923
around needing to know those answers.

339
00:25:14,483 --> 00:25:21,023
And I think that there is a great comfort
and relief when you get to a place where

340
00:25:21,023 --> 00:25:24,853
you can say, I actually don't know.

341
00:25:26,043 --> 00:25:28,143
I don't know what happens
to us after we die.

342
00:25:28,173 --> 00:25:29,643
I don't know if there's a soul.

343
00:25:29,673 --> 00:25:35,183
I don't know any of that, but is
it going to change how I interact

344
00:25:35,183 --> 00:25:38,523
with other human beings or how I
follow rules or don't follow rules?

345
00:25:39,403 --> 00:25:43,233
Because all that really matters in this
lifetime is that I live to be my most

346
00:25:43,233 --> 00:25:47,823
authentic self and that I resonate at
a frequency that is most authentic.

347
00:25:48,493 --> 00:25:53,723
So, If I wait till the afterlife for
a reward, am I really making good

348
00:25:53,743 --> 00:25:55,963
use and time of my life here now?

349
00:25:57,613 --> 00:26:00,923
And those are questions that I
think are worth asking yourself.

350
00:26:01,013 --> 00:26:06,253
So maybe taking a book out of
secular Buddhism, being more

351
00:26:06,293 --> 00:26:09,103
comfortable with uncertainty.

352
00:26:10,633 --> 00:26:13,003
Is a great path forward.

353
00:26:16,493 --> 00:26:23,913
I want to, um, reference a, in
my research about death and, uh,

354
00:26:24,023 --> 00:26:26,483
there is a fantastic documentary.

355
00:26:26,743 --> 00:26:30,603
Um, we mentioned it in the episode
I did with Tiffany Lesik, where

356
00:26:30,603 --> 00:26:32,653
we talked about, um, alchemy.

357
00:26:33,253 --> 00:26:39,383
Uh, she knows personally, as she is a
Druid in the, um, Anglesea Druid order.

358
00:26:39,453 --> 00:26:42,313
She, uh, works with.

359
00:26:42,718 --> 00:26:50,518
Christopher Hughes, who lives in Wales
and is a druid and also he was a mortician

360
00:26:51,138 --> 00:26:55,818
for many years there in Wales and for,
uh, working for the, the Queen, I believe.

361
00:26:56,808 --> 00:27:02,108
I'm not exactly sure how all that fits
in, but the point is he made a documentary

362
00:27:02,118 --> 00:27:09,898
that's available to watch on, um, uh,
through the Welsh television program

363
00:27:12,348 --> 00:27:15,378
CS4C, I think is how it goes.

364
00:27:15,748 --> 00:27:17,668
You can watch it for free,
you just have to log in.

365
00:27:17,748 --> 00:27:22,028
So I will put all of this, um, in my
notes in my blog on my website for those

366
00:27:22,028 --> 00:27:24,118
who want to go back and reference it.

367
00:27:24,148 --> 00:27:28,883
But he has four episodes of this
fantastic documentary he did called Marw

368
00:27:28,883 --> 00:27:32,208
Gwda Chris, which is Death with Chris.

369
00:27:32,998 --> 00:27:36,098
Um, it has English subtitles,
he speaks in Welsh quite a bit.

370
00:27:36,158 --> 00:27:39,023
The, uh, I mean, he speaks to
the camera and everything in

371
00:27:39,023 --> 00:27:42,033
Welsh, so that's why I love it.

372
00:27:42,513 --> 00:27:43,543
Learning Welsh, right?

373
00:27:44,203 --> 00:27:48,713
But he does a fantastic job
talking about different cultures

374
00:27:48,743 --> 00:27:49,703
and how they deal with death.

375
00:27:50,443 --> 00:27:54,393
You will see in this documentary, that's
why you have to check the box if you're

376
00:27:54,443 --> 00:27:56,703
older than 16, because you will see death.

377
00:27:56,943 --> 00:27:58,753
You will see dead.

378
00:28:00,873 --> 00:28:05,443
And it's fascinating to me how
different cultures have different

379
00:28:05,443 --> 00:28:06,863
ways of associating with death.

380
00:28:07,873 --> 00:28:11,023
And one thing I noticed, and I want
to bring up before we talk about

381
00:28:11,023 --> 00:28:13,573
culture specifically, is time.

382
00:28:14,483 --> 00:28:18,743
That in one episode where he goes to
Indonesia, he notices that in the city,

383
00:28:18,993 --> 00:28:24,633
When they're very close quarters, uh,
lots, high density population, not a

384
00:28:24,633 --> 00:28:28,883
lot of space, they have to bury bodies
in the cemetery on top of each other,

385
00:28:28,893 --> 00:28:30,943
stack them, because there's so many.

386
00:28:31,953 --> 00:28:38,233
They are, um, of a Muslim faith and
they need to bury their bodies very

387
00:28:38,233 --> 00:28:42,903
quickly after death so that, um, first
of all, it's very hot, very humid,

388
00:28:42,903 --> 00:28:47,453
very muggy and hot in Indonesia,
but also because of their faith.

389
00:28:47,893 --> 00:28:54,023
So they, um, They have a family that
they are following that they are showing

390
00:28:54,303 --> 00:28:58,623
the father of the family had died just
hours ago, and they are already at the

391
00:28:58,623 --> 00:29:01,553
grave site, they've already gone to
the mosque, and then they go to the

392
00:29:01,553 --> 00:29:07,053
grave site and they bury their father
and husband within hours after his

393
00:29:07,053 --> 00:29:11,143
death, and the grave is covered up.

394
00:29:11,623 --> 00:29:15,763
The, the plate that the wooden
plate that says their name

395
00:29:16,623 --> 00:29:19,118
is, marked, marking the grave.

396
00:29:20,218 --> 00:29:26,918
The family sits on and around the
grave and they cry and I find that

397
00:29:26,938 --> 00:29:33,218
really fascinating and I wonder
how much time is left to grieve.

398
00:29:33,938 --> 00:29:38,878
If that gives them a lot of closure
really early in the grieving process

399
00:29:38,908 --> 00:29:43,793
so that they can move on and grieve,
After he's already buried and it's,

400
00:29:43,813 --> 00:29:45,243
you know, it's time to just grieve.

401
00:29:46,203 --> 00:29:52,003
Or in another place, the same country
in Indonesia, there's another place in

402
00:29:52,003 --> 00:29:59,628
the mountains where instead of burying
quickly, they Wait years, um, sometimes

403
00:29:59,828 --> 00:30:04,198
before they bury the body and the bodies
are kept in sort of like coffins, but

404
00:30:04,348 --> 00:30:10,238
in kind of the home where their family
is living and the family actually

405
00:30:10,238 --> 00:30:12,798
can sleep in a bedroom next to them.

406
00:30:13,348 --> 00:30:16,988
Um, in their language, they
refer to them as ill or sleeping.

407
00:30:17,228 --> 00:30:20,808
They don't say they're dead yet
because death for them does not

408
00:30:21,008 --> 00:30:23,588
officially occur until they are dead.

409
00:30:23,943 --> 00:30:25,453
buried until they have the funeral.

410
00:30:25,993 --> 00:30:30,043
And sometimes it takes two or three
years to put together the whole funeral.

411
00:30:31,298 --> 00:30:39,518
And I think that's, um, like two extreme
examples of how time can be in play

412
00:30:39,518 --> 00:30:46,678
there because grief, specifically,
when someone has gone through a loss,

413
00:30:46,958 --> 00:30:52,198
uh, of a family member, this in the
healing world and the work that I do is

414
00:30:52,198 --> 00:30:57,728
not something that we clear like we do
with a lot of other heavier emotions.

415
00:30:58,048 --> 00:31:02,778
At least I don't, um, can't stay for
any other healers that are That do the

416
00:31:02,778 --> 00:31:07,808
work that I do, but for me specifically,
I never go into a session with someone

417
00:31:07,818 --> 00:31:12,298
who is grieving to release that grief.

418
00:31:12,898 --> 00:31:17,038
Grief is something that although it does
still feel very heavy on our bodies, it's

419
00:31:17,038 --> 00:31:20,988
a different kind of emotional experience.

420
00:31:21,318 --> 00:31:28,058
It's not a pain that we want to
clear ourselves of, because it is.

421
00:31:28,718 --> 00:31:34,128
along the same lines and, uh, other
side of the same coin as love.

422
00:31:34,818 --> 00:31:40,168
We wouldn't be grieving a person even if
we didn't particularly like that person.

423
00:31:40,168 --> 00:31:43,438
And I have, I experienced that with
some clients where they're grieving

424
00:31:43,438 --> 00:31:48,478
someone they didn't like or respect
in their lifetime, but they're really,

425
00:31:48,478 --> 00:31:49,978
really struggling with their death.

426
00:31:51,298 --> 00:31:56,483
I, I make it very clear, at least
in the work that I do with We're

427
00:31:56,483 --> 00:31:58,563
not here to fix or clear your grief.

428
00:31:59,173 --> 00:32:02,113
That's not something that you're
ever going to be able to be released

429
00:32:02,113 --> 00:32:06,023
from because it is an important
part of your living experience.

430
00:32:06,143 --> 00:32:13,023
And we don't heal it in the way that we
are clearing it or getting rid of it.

431
00:32:13,233 --> 00:32:17,233
Healing in this case just means
witnessing it, understanding it.

432
00:32:17,583 --> 00:32:19,103
and respecting it for what it is.

433
00:32:19,753 --> 00:32:22,943
And I think there is something
really, really sacred and special

434
00:32:22,943 --> 00:32:26,713
about grief of a death, particularly.

435
00:32:27,543 --> 00:32:29,623
Um, there's so many
different types of grief.

436
00:32:29,633 --> 00:32:30,543
We talked about grief.

437
00:32:30,593 --> 00:32:34,113
You know, when I talked about infertility,
that's grieving a loss as well.

438
00:32:34,143 --> 00:32:36,753
But this particular grief
I'm talking about is death.

439
00:32:37,853 --> 00:32:39,603
The grief you have after a death.

440
00:32:39,783 --> 00:32:43,593
It's not a pain that I or
anyone or yourself can cure.

441
00:32:45,453 --> 00:32:53,808
And it is something that, um, um,
That we never, never want to move

442
00:32:53,808 --> 00:32:57,898
on from and probably wouldn't
be able to if we wanted to.

443
00:32:58,748 --> 00:33:05,288
Um, I think I've heard it said to
certain individuals who were grieving

444
00:33:05,438 --> 00:33:06,998
the loss of their loved ones.

445
00:33:08,468 --> 00:33:11,908
You know, that they can get
themselves ready to move on,

446
00:33:11,968 --> 00:33:13,368
that they can move on from it.

447
00:33:14,168 --> 00:33:18,878
There is a way to live your life
to the fullest and most authentic

448
00:33:19,278 --> 00:33:26,078
and most aligned with the path you
deserve to be on after a death.

449
00:33:26,278 --> 00:33:27,548
And that should be the goal.

450
00:33:28,263 --> 00:33:31,403
But it isn't about moving on
from the death, because I think

451
00:33:31,403 --> 00:33:32,623
that there's no such thing.

452
00:33:32,823 --> 00:33:37,583
I think that someone's life impacting
you enough for you to grieve them when

453
00:33:37,583 --> 00:33:42,193
they have passed the portal, passed
through the veil, gone to the next level.

454
00:33:42,558 --> 00:33:42,948
World.

455
00:33:43,638 --> 00:33:45,198
That is a beautiful thing.

456
00:33:46,308 --> 00:33:52,038
So, um, I do particularly experience
death myself when someone has

457
00:33:52,038 --> 00:33:55,938
passed on, is it feels to me like
they're just in the next room.

458
00:33:56,558 --> 00:34:00,968
I may not be able to sit here in this
room and connect with them and converse

459
00:34:00,968 --> 00:34:06,638
with them like when they were alive, but
I don't feel like they're gone either.

460
00:34:07,438 --> 00:34:12,448
Um, and that has helped me
not feel like I have to.

461
00:34:13,598 --> 00:34:20,638
Grieve and get into a state of depression
over their loss that would be debilitating

462
00:34:20,638 --> 00:34:22,708
to me and being able to live my life.

463
00:34:23,418 --> 00:34:28,438
Um, and so I hope that for people who are
going through the experience of grief is

464
00:34:28,438 --> 00:34:31,448
that you can be comforted to know that

465
00:34:34,023 --> 00:34:36,663
that you're very valid in
grieving and will probably

466
00:34:36,663 --> 00:34:39,183
grieve for them your entire life.

467
00:34:39,223 --> 00:34:40,703
And that's like having that.

468
00:34:41,583 --> 00:34:45,103
It's the same as having their
love with you your entire life.

469
00:34:47,483 --> 00:34:49,693
So getting into that, I'm going
to talk a little bit about my

470
00:34:49,693 --> 00:34:51,053
experience with death and grief.

471
00:34:51,113 --> 00:34:56,403
And that is that, um, I haven't
particularly had to suffer the loss

472
00:34:56,463 --> 00:34:58,423
of someone really, really close to me.

473
00:34:58,838 --> 00:35:02,738
But I have been witness and observation
into a family that I married into

474
00:35:02,738 --> 00:35:06,268
that has a very close personal
relationship with grief and death.

475
00:35:07,548 --> 00:35:10,768
And that has given me some sort
of a unique experience with it.

476
00:35:10,878 --> 00:35:16,098
And that, um, my husband's family
have had a lot of loss and a lot of

477
00:35:16,098 --> 00:35:18,058
that loss is people who were younger.

478
00:35:20,228 --> 00:35:23,408
Um, not, you know, just elderly.

479
00:35:31,048 --> 00:35:33,748
So it's a different experience.

480
00:35:33,898 --> 00:35:34,458
I,

481
00:35:39,618 --> 00:35:42,018
I have seen it a lot of different ways.

482
00:35:42,288 --> 00:35:47,233
And one thing I've noticed about being
Connected in a family that has had to

483
00:35:47,243 --> 00:35:51,023
go through that many times even before
I entered the family, but then I have,

484
00:35:51,333 --> 00:35:56,363
you know, been their witness and part
of grieving with them when we've lost

485
00:35:56,373 --> 00:35:58,223
people since I joined the family.

486
00:35:59,373 --> 00:36:04,893
And one thing I noticed is that, um,
as a family and as part of all of

487
00:36:04,893 --> 00:36:11,648
the same religion, they, Do all live
in proximity, very close together.

488
00:36:11,678 --> 00:36:15,088
They used to joke that it was
like a compound or a commune of

489
00:36:15,458 --> 00:36:17,878
their family because they all
used to live in the same block.

490
00:36:18,368 --> 00:36:21,138
Um, even when children have grown up
and gotten married, they've lived,

491
00:36:21,288 --> 00:36:24,198
they've only moved in the same town.

492
00:36:24,208 --> 00:36:25,938
They, they have remained very close.

493
00:36:26,308 --> 00:36:29,148
My husband and I are probably the only
ones that have moved farther away.

494
00:36:29,568 --> 00:36:30,938
Uh, even now we live.

495
00:36:31,383 --> 00:36:33,813
just an hour away, an
hour and 20 minutes away.

496
00:36:33,813 --> 00:36:36,733
And we're, we live the furthest
away of anyone in the whole family.

497
00:36:37,443 --> 00:36:40,573
So they live in proximity, very close to
each other, but I haven't particularly

498
00:36:40,583 --> 00:36:45,523
seen a lot of experiences where they are
close in relationship with each other.

499
00:36:45,933 --> 00:36:50,743
Because when we get together, a lot
of conversations are typically about,

500
00:36:50,863 --> 00:36:52,333
you know, what happened at church.

501
00:36:52,568 --> 00:36:52,948
Sure.

502
00:36:53,208 --> 00:36:57,458
The neighbors or, uh, you know, Oh, I
saw so and so at the store the other

503
00:36:57,458 --> 00:37:00,758
day, or, um, how is your garden growing?

504
00:37:00,768 --> 00:37:01,928
And things like that.

505
00:37:01,998 --> 00:37:07,238
Um, what I would call more surface level
chitty chat than deep level conversations.

506
00:37:07,918 --> 00:37:13,508
My family and I are of the
deep, emotional, and really

507
00:37:16,193 --> 00:37:20,193
Get down into the nitty gritty of life
kind of, kind of conversations, but

508
00:37:20,523 --> 00:37:21,953
my husband's family is not like that.

509
00:37:22,103 --> 00:37:24,443
Uh, just different ways of doing things.

510
00:37:24,623 --> 00:37:27,283
I'm not saying anything is right or
wrong or giving any judgment about that.

511
00:37:27,283 --> 00:37:31,853
Just they're close in proximity,
not necessarily close as in

512
00:37:31,853 --> 00:37:32,943
vulnerable with each other.

513
00:37:33,683 --> 00:37:39,253
But I do notice that when Tragedy
strikes and it has many times to this

514
00:37:40,213 --> 00:37:44,753
unfortunate family, but they, they
have someone who passes away and they,

515
00:37:45,783 --> 00:37:48,013
they get real close in those moments.

516
00:37:48,363 --> 00:37:53,903
I see them talk more openly and
more vulnerably with each other.

517
00:37:54,263 --> 00:37:58,163
As they talk about the loved one
that's passed, they talk about

518
00:37:59,013 --> 00:38:00,873
memories they have of that person.

519
00:38:02,583 --> 00:38:10,053
Um, and they only really do that
in the days and weeks after the

520
00:38:10,053 --> 00:38:12,623
death and in preparation of the
funeral and things like that.

521
00:38:13,183 --> 00:38:19,633
Um, the people who have passed on in
the family don't often get mentioned.

522
00:38:21,003 --> 00:38:25,543
Um, you know, rightly so, because
it's painful to talk about them and

523
00:38:25,543 --> 00:38:27,473
remember them when they've passed on.

524
00:38:28,363 --> 00:38:36,353
But, um, but I have seen that sometimes
their religious beliefs, Uh, are, are

525
00:38:36,353 --> 00:38:44,433
made to sort of, uh, be the answer
to all the questions about death,

526
00:38:44,473 --> 00:38:45,603
and we should leave it at that.

527
00:38:46,493 --> 00:38:50,663
So, unfortunately, you know, for my
husband growing up, when he, when he

528
00:38:50,663 --> 00:38:54,423
had to go through experiences where
his brothers passed away, and his

529
00:38:54,443 --> 00:38:59,233
sister passed away, he, he has lost
all of his siblings in this world.

530
00:39:01,263 --> 00:39:05,513
And, you know, out of four
children, he's the only surviving.

531
00:39:05,513 --> 00:39:05,593
for listening.

532
00:39:05,593 --> 00:39:10,663
Which is pretty incredible when you
think about the statistics of that.

533
00:39:12,653 --> 00:39:19,733
So when something like that would
occur, it would often be, um, all

534
00:39:19,733 --> 00:39:24,293
of the emotions and the grief around
that event and the tragedy of it would

535
00:39:24,303 --> 00:39:27,333
be overridden by religious beliefs.

536
00:39:27,343 --> 00:39:30,548
So it would be like, We know
what happens to us after we die.

537
00:39:30,688 --> 00:39:31,648
We go to church.

538
00:39:32,108 --> 00:39:34,198
Church has told us that we live forever.

539
00:39:34,428 --> 00:39:38,878
If we do XYZ and we stay faithful to
the church and the gospel, then we

540
00:39:38,878 --> 00:39:40,908
will see our family members again.

541
00:39:41,588 --> 00:39:45,618
And that belief was held so strong
that oftentimes the actual healing that

542
00:39:45,618 --> 00:39:49,878
needed to happen, even like going to
counseling or therapy together as a family

543
00:39:49,878 --> 00:39:56,708
to, to express emotions and grief in a
healthy way, wasn't done in the past.

544
00:39:57,368 --> 00:40:01,758
I'm happy to say that hopefully that has,
that pattern has been broken and that

545
00:40:01,928 --> 00:40:07,818
more and more as the, as the generations,
the younger generations grow, we move

546
00:40:07,818 --> 00:40:10,888
into a space where that's not the case.

547
00:40:10,998 --> 00:40:16,088
And I use that example to hopefully
share with people that even if you

548
00:40:16,088 --> 00:40:20,458
do have a very strong religious
understanding of death, that being

549
00:40:20,468 --> 00:40:26,848
able to energetically and logically
express those things should happen.

550
00:40:27,203 --> 00:40:30,973
outside of the realm of the religious
beliefs, because that would be the

551
00:40:30,973 --> 00:40:34,103
most healthy way to bond over that.

552
00:40:35,123 --> 00:40:40,718
But as, uh, in Maruguru, Chris, the
documentary, he explains that the Welsh

553
00:40:40,738 --> 00:40:44,368
culture, it's very much not talked about.

554
00:40:44,718 --> 00:40:49,838
Um, when a person has died, they
are, you know, the corpse or the

555
00:40:49,838 --> 00:40:52,128
body is not shown afterwards.

556
00:40:52,398 --> 00:40:57,888
Um, it's very unlikely that people
would, you know, let that be seen

557
00:40:57,958 --> 00:40:59,328
or public or anything like that.

558
00:40:59,438 --> 00:41:06,238
And that it's, you know, There is
a very, um, structured process as

559
00:41:06,238 --> 00:41:12,278
far as going through the, the steps
to the funeral and those, and the

560
00:41:12,278 --> 00:41:15,828
ceremonies and rituals that need to
take place, and then the person is gone.

561
00:41:16,418 --> 00:41:22,568
And even grief and emotional expression
is happening, mostly behind closed doors.

562
00:41:23,378 --> 00:41:26,728
Um, and that is a lot of what I see
in the American culture too, which

563
00:41:26,728 --> 00:41:33,583
may be just, uh, Just a residual,
the aftermath of the people who've

564
00:41:33,613 --> 00:41:37,773
immigrated from Northern Europe into
America, that we brought that with us.

565
00:41:38,183 --> 00:41:43,093
The idea that like, oh, you know, death
happens, but we don't just bury that down

566
00:41:43,093 --> 00:41:48,848
under a blanket and We're not going to
talk about it too much, but there are a

567
00:41:48,848 --> 00:41:57,008
lot of cultures that give expression to
death as more of a, um, a full out there

568
00:41:57,048 --> 00:42:02,018
open and honest expression of whatever
feelings or whatever needs to happen.

569
00:42:02,468 --> 00:42:05,698
And I am thinking, and I'm going
to mention because of my Celtic

570
00:42:05,708 --> 00:42:07,878
background, the Keening women.

571
00:42:08,458 --> 00:42:14,868
Um, when we talk about in Celtic
culture who were actually hired to

572
00:42:14,878 --> 00:42:22,628
go and express mourning out loud
in public for a person who's died.

573
00:42:23,198 --> 00:42:25,288
Sometimes it was a stranger
to the women because they were

574
00:42:25,288 --> 00:42:26,488
hired to be there to do this.

575
00:42:26,948 --> 00:42:32,858
But in being able to express that in
a loud, actually like mournful crying,

576
00:42:32,868 --> 00:42:36,758
they were They kind of give permission
for everybody to do it, even people

577
00:42:36,758 --> 00:42:40,778
who maybe wouldn't have normally
been that public with their emotions.

578
00:42:41,698 --> 00:42:44,788
So, I have such amazing respect

579
00:42:47,038 --> 00:42:53,688
for the, the cultures that allow that,
the cultures that encourage that,

580
00:42:53,848 --> 00:42:59,218
and Keening Women, in my opinion, is
a really kind of amazing way to, um,

581
00:42:59,458 --> 00:43:01,318
to bring death out into the open.

582
00:43:02,028 --> 00:43:07,818
And, uh, in Indonesia, the, uh, the
one that, um, the culture, uh, where

583
00:43:07,828 --> 00:43:13,148
the people waited years to, to do their
funeral rites and things like that,

584
00:43:13,618 --> 00:43:18,968
um, it's interesting because you notice
how there's one, uh, When the funeral

585
00:43:18,968 --> 00:43:22,538
starts, they bring the bodies from the
home that they've been in for a couple

586
00:43:22,538 --> 00:43:23,828
of years and they bring them out.

587
00:43:24,098 --> 00:43:26,888
And everybody in the village,
including the women, especially

588
00:43:26,888 --> 00:43:33,478
the women, come and publicly mourn
and cry like the keening women.

589
00:43:33,478 --> 00:43:38,608
They cry in, you know, full
on public displays of of

590
00:43:39,028 --> 00:43:40,588
emotion, crying and all that.

591
00:43:41,418 --> 00:43:45,988
So they do that, and then the
next day Chris comes back to the

592
00:43:45,988 --> 00:43:47,998
same funeral, festiv festivities.

593
00:43:47,998 --> 00:43:48,813
And this time they are.

594
00:43:50,263 --> 00:43:55,773
laughing and celebrating and having
drums and all kinds of things.

595
00:43:55,903 --> 00:44:00,623
I mean, death is not hidden away at
all in some of the cultures that Chris

596
00:44:02,073 --> 00:44:04,103
engages with in this documentary series.

597
00:44:04,723 --> 00:44:12,258
Instead, death is openly expressed in
very, very, a regular part of the of life.

598
00:44:13,878 --> 00:44:16,418
Obviously in the episode
that he goes to Mexico.

599
00:44:16,788 --> 00:44:19,968
We have Dia de los Muertos,
which is the day of the dead that

600
00:44:19,978 --> 00:44:21,698
where they it's a celebration.

601
00:44:21,698 --> 00:44:26,598
They have the flower petals that lead the
dead from the cemetery to the homes or

602
00:44:26,598 --> 00:44:32,078
the Or a procession where they take the
ofrenda and they take it to the gravesite

603
00:44:32,118 --> 00:44:37,298
and they wait all night at the gravesite
with food and drink and wine and whatever.

604
00:44:37,328 --> 00:44:42,718
And they wait for their relatives
to cross the veil on that one night

605
00:44:42,768 --> 00:44:44,918
and, um, and have a meal with them.

606
00:44:45,438 --> 00:44:48,638
And I think that's really beautiful
just to honor your ancestors in such

607
00:44:48,638 --> 00:44:50,418
a way that makes it very personal.

608
00:44:51,553 --> 00:44:55,823
I for one have adopted some, some
of those traditions in my own family

609
00:44:55,823 --> 00:45:00,313
and household, where we do make an
ancestor altar during Thanksgiving.

610
00:45:00,623 --> 00:45:04,743
It's meant for Samhain, or what would
be Dia de los Muertos in Mexico.

611
00:45:06,938 --> 00:45:11,798
It's, uh, meant for Samhain, but, um, I
like to kind of combine different things.

612
00:45:11,848 --> 00:45:15,368
So, rather than celebrate Thanksgiving
in the traditional American sense

613
00:45:15,368 --> 00:45:19,808
of Thanksgiving, which I just don't
really agree with celebrating, uh,

614
00:45:19,818 --> 00:45:23,858
we have our feast, but we have our
feast and we have our ancestor altar.

615
00:45:24,758 --> 00:45:27,998
We create these little luminaries
with our ancestors pictures on

616
00:45:27,998 --> 00:45:32,908
them, and I let the children
introduce which ancestor they have.

617
00:45:33,118 --> 00:45:39,228
Each person gets to bring an ancestor
to the table and we say this is my great

618
00:45:39,228 --> 00:45:43,158
aunt so and so or whatever whoever it
is that we brought and we might tell

619
00:45:43,158 --> 00:45:46,548
a little story about them or anything
that we've we've learned about them.

620
00:45:46,973 --> 00:45:51,653
And then we light a little candle,
or we click the little battery,

621
00:45:51,693 --> 00:45:55,333
uh, on the little tea light
candles that our battery operated.

622
00:45:56,713 --> 00:46:00,013
And we say, welcome so and
so, and we put the candle in.

623
00:46:00,093 --> 00:46:01,813
And everyone says, welcome so and so.

624
00:46:02,303 --> 00:46:06,138
Um, and we started this ever
since the, um, We started doing

625
00:46:06,138 --> 00:46:08,878
it at Nursing Kin at the Samhain.

626
00:46:10,138 --> 00:46:15,948
And I think it's a great way for my kids
to personally know and understand their

627
00:46:16,078 --> 00:46:21,168
ancestors that have passed on before them,
before they were, came into this world.

628
00:46:21,238 --> 00:46:27,458
And, um, and some of those relatives are
very personal, personally connected with

629
00:46:27,458 --> 00:46:31,498
them, because as I said, my husband's
family has had a lot of very tragic.

630
00:46:31,813 --> 00:46:34,163
Young deaths in one family.

631
00:46:34,513 --> 00:46:38,503
So my kids would never
have gotten to meet.

632
00:46:39,223 --> 00:46:42,623
Unless they met them in the preexistence,
which is a whole other spiritual

633
00:46:42,993 --> 00:46:48,423
concept we'll save for another day,
but they get to meet their uncles.

634
00:46:48,793 --> 00:46:50,263
They get to meet their aunt.

635
00:46:50,743 --> 00:46:55,423
They get to, um, give a little hello
and shout out to their grandma.

636
00:46:55,828 --> 00:47:01,098
My husband's mother who's passed on and
anyone else that has passed on before that

637
00:47:01,108 --> 00:47:05,528
they were aware of them and, um, and they
get a close personal connection with them.

638
00:47:06,698 --> 00:47:11,218
And I think that that is a
beautiful way to let death not be

639
00:47:11,218 --> 00:47:17,148
something scary and taboo, but to
be something that is, uh, familiar.

640
00:47:18,638 --> 00:47:23,818
And that is where we are going to get
the last subtopic we're going to talk

641
00:47:23,828 --> 00:47:25,848
about, which is fear versus acceptance.

642
00:47:26,953 --> 00:47:31,483
I have had conversations with people
who, um, they themselves or family

643
00:47:31,483 --> 00:47:36,463
members of theirs will not talk
about death, will not talk about it.

644
00:47:36,833 --> 00:47:41,593
They haven't, if they have prepared
for, for it with a will of some kind

645
00:47:41,603 --> 00:47:45,823
or a trust, they, they don't discuss
it with their family members, which

646
00:47:45,823 --> 00:47:52,113
I think is sad and probably not a
smart or wise decision, but, uh,

647
00:47:54,413 --> 00:47:58,373
it makes it very difficult for their
family members to prepare or want to.

648
00:47:58,713 --> 00:48:02,813
Give them what it is that they would
want, not just after death, like as in

649
00:48:02,823 --> 00:48:05,893
what they would want as a funeral or
what they would want to celebrate their

650
00:48:05,893 --> 00:48:08,423
life, but even as preparing for death.

651
00:48:09,373 --> 00:48:12,903
And I remember in the, in the
secular Buddhist podcast, he

652
00:48:12,903 --> 00:48:14,688
mentioned a story where he had a
friend that was preparing for death.

653
00:48:15,228 --> 00:48:18,348
Diagnosed with a terminal
illness cancer, I think.

654
00:48:18,668 --> 00:48:24,608
And he lunched with them one on one and
he said, what's it like to be dying?

655
00:48:25,628 --> 00:48:28,838
And his friend said, I don't know.

656
00:48:30,008 --> 00:48:32,078
You tell me, what do you think?

657
00:48:32,618 --> 00:48:33,898
What is it like to be dying?

658
00:48:34,928 --> 00:48:37,918
He says, just because I was diagnosed
with terminal cancer, doesn't mean

659
00:48:37,928 --> 00:48:40,458
that I'm dying before you, you
could be hit by a bus tomorrow.

660
00:48:40,778 --> 00:48:41,588
We're all dying.

661
00:48:42,078 --> 00:48:43,278
We just don't know when that will be.

662
00:48:44,738 --> 00:48:47,018
And we have no certainties about that.

663
00:48:48,558 --> 00:48:51,128
And if the tragic deaths
that I have been in.

664
00:48:51,638 --> 00:48:54,938
seen and experienced in my husband's
family have taught me anything.

665
00:48:54,938 --> 00:49:00,068
It's that, it's that I could, I
could have an aneurysm or something

666
00:49:00,098 --> 00:49:03,308
in my brain and drop dead tomorrow.

667
00:49:04,078 --> 00:49:06,698
What is it that I would
want to leave behind?

668
00:49:06,708 --> 00:49:09,738
And what, what is it that I would
want my children and my husband and

669
00:49:09,738 --> 00:49:14,328
my family and everyone I know to, what
would I want them to know before I go?

670
00:49:14,958 --> 00:49:17,308
I would want to know, I would
want them to know that they're

671
00:49:17,308 --> 00:49:18,818
loved, that I loved them.

672
00:49:20,168 --> 00:49:23,998
Um, which if I've had trouble expressing
that, then I want to work on that.

673
00:49:24,773 --> 00:49:28,803
And I would want them
to know that it's okay.

674
00:49:29,523 --> 00:49:32,263
That if I die, I'm okay.

675
00:49:33,663 --> 00:49:37,373
No matter what, even if there's
nothing after this, you know,

676
00:49:38,373 --> 00:49:39,813
let's say the atheists are right.

677
00:49:40,273 --> 00:49:45,843
There's absolutely nothing, but
that's okay too, because I won't know.

678
00:49:46,393 --> 00:49:49,363
And I won't be sad
because I'll be nothing.

679
00:49:49,823 --> 00:49:50,753
I'll be okay.

680
00:49:52,103 --> 00:49:53,193
Don't worry about it.

681
00:49:53,193 --> 00:49:57,893
And don't be afraid because I am
going to be alright, and you're

682
00:49:57,893 --> 00:50:00,623
going to be alright, and it's
all going to work out just fine.

683
00:50:02,033 --> 00:50:05,443
And, if I die, that means I did
all the things I was meant to do.

684
00:50:06,233 --> 00:50:07,043
Whatever that was.

685
00:50:07,223 --> 00:50:07,723
I did it.

686
00:50:08,203 --> 00:50:08,703
I'm done.

687
00:50:09,178 --> 00:50:09,788
So I'm good.

688
00:50:11,218 --> 00:50:15,728
And I just think that in talking about
and discussing death openly with my

689
00:50:15,728 --> 00:50:22,438
children, it will help them have a comfort
of, uh, a comfort with uncertainty that

690
00:50:22,438 --> 00:50:26,188
I myself have and would like to have.

691
00:50:27,758 --> 00:50:31,058
And that no regrets, right?

692
00:50:31,658 --> 00:50:36,318
I remember when I was going to England,
before I left, I thought to myself, well,

693
00:50:36,328 --> 00:50:38,188
I'm going on a plane for a very long time.

694
00:50:38,533 --> 00:50:40,603
Lots of things can happen
going to a foreign country.

695
00:50:40,663 --> 00:50:41,623
Lots of things can happen.

696
00:50:42,153 --> 00:50:47,373
I'm just going to sit down and write out
a letter as if I don't make it back and

697
00:50:47,513 --> 00:50:50,543
write a letter to my family and say all
the things that I want to say to them

698
00:50:50,613 --> 00:50:52,273
so that they can just find the letter.

699
00:50:52,613 --> 00:50:55,473
And I will, you know,
have my last word in.

700
00:50:56,603 --> 00:50:57,053
So I did.

701
00:50:57,053 --> 00:50:59,593
I sat down and I wrote a big old
letter for my husband and my kids.

702
00:50:59,593 --> 00:51:00,473
It was very emotional.

703
00:51:00,503 --> 00:51:04,223
Of course I cried during it, but
not because I was sad or afraid,

704
00:51:04,223 --> 00:51:05,373
but because it was emotional.

705
00:51:06,113 --> 00:51:10,623
And what I recognized in writing
that letter as if I was going to die

706
00:51:11,073 --> 00:51:14,393
was I don't have a whole lot to say.

707
00:51:15,023 --> 00:51:21,723
Other than I love you and everything
that you do is okay with me and I

708
00:51:21,733 --> 00:51:27,783
accept you and you can forgive me,
hopefully, for anything that I did to

709
00:51:27,783 --> 00:51:33,353
offend you in my lifetime and Um, and
don't be sad for me because if I die

710
00:51:33,353 --> 00:51:36,803
on this trip to England, I died doing
something that I am absolutely thrilled

711
00:51:36,813 --> 00:51:38,663
to be doing that I, that I would love.

712
00:51:39,043 --> 00:51:40,623
So it was worth it.

713
00:51:41,133 --> 00:51:46,293
It's worth risking my life to go
and do and live my life to do things

714
00:51:46,293 --> 00:51:47,443
that I really, really want to do.

715
00:51:48,873 --> 00:51:51,023
And so when I got done, I felt great.

716
00:51:51,373 --> 00:51:52,273
I didn't feel afraid.

717
00:51:52,303 --> 00:51:53,033
I didn't feel nervous.

718
00:51:53,293 --> 00:51:56,003
I could just go on with
my life and I didn't die.

719
00:51:56,143 --> 00:51:58,573
I made it back and
everything is okay for now.

720
00:52:00,453 --> 00:52:05,413
I remember my grandmother, the one I
was talking about earlier, who was dying

721
00:52:05,983 --> 00:52:09,003
and everyone got to gather around and
everyone got to say their goodbyes.

722
00:52:09,533 --> 00:52:14,723
Um, I remember many, many years
before that when I was just a kid, she

723
00:52:14,733 --> 00:52:16,453
said something that I never forgot.

724
00:52:16,703 --> 00:52:22,733
And she said, I'm not afraid to die
because I'll get all my answers.

725
00:52:23,623 --> 00:52:27,173
that I've ever wanted to know
about anything about the world

726
00:52:27,173 --> 00:52:31,503
and how it works and the universe
and you know, God and everything.

727
00:52:32,063 --> 00:52:34,313
She just said, I would
get all that answered.

728
00:52:35,013 --> 00:52:36,503
And that's pretty great.

729
00:52:36,503 --> 00:52:37,523
I'm excited for that.

730
00:52:37,903 --> 00:52:40,363
I'll be excited to have that finally.

731
00:52:41,283 --> 00:52:44,313
And so I can go anytime and I'll be okay.

732
00:52:45,543 --> 00:52:47,323
And she was still fairly
young at that point.

733
00:52:47,343 --> 00:52:51,903
I remember she was probably only 65 when
she said that I was just a little kid.

734
00:52:53,403 --> 00:52:56,953
But it stuck with me because I
thought to myself, my grandma is

735
00:52:56,983 --> 00:52:58,733
older and she will die someday.

736
00:53:00,053 --> 00:53:05,003
And I, when I thought about that, I
was devastated because I love her.

737
00:53:05,053 --> 00:53:08,023
I loved her so much and I did
not want her to go anywhere.

738
00:53:08,383 --> 00:53:09,413
I wanted to see her.

739
00:53:09,423 --> 00:53:11,963
I wanted to visit her.

740
00:53:12,833 --> 00:53:17,353
But when she said that, it made me
feel like even when she does go.

741
00:53:19,313 --> 00:53:20,353
I'll be okay.

742
00:53:21,983 --> 00:53:26,373
I'll know she's okay because she
told me she was okay with it.

743
00:53:27,303 --> 00:53:31,103
And that's a sort of peace and
comfort I would like to give my kids.

744
00:53:31,253 --> 00:53:34,383
And that's how I would like to
have a relationship with death.

745
00:53:36,793 --> 00:53:37,193
All right.

746
00:53:37,193 --> 00:53:38,563
And wrapping up this topic.

747
00:53:38,563 --> 00:53:40,623
And I know we've been at it for a while.

748
00:53:40,813 --> 00:53:43,798
Don't even know how long this
has gone, but we've Covered all

749
00:53:43,798 --> 00:53:45,078
of the things I wanted to cover.

750
00:53:45,108 --> 00:53:49,948
And in wrapping up, I just want to say
that life itself is full of deaths.

751
00:53:50,348 --> 00:53:51,798
Every winter is a death.

752
00:53:52,148 --> 00:53:54,968
Every time we go through something
incredibly hard that makes

753
00:53:54,968 --> 00:53:59,118
us question everything we've
ever known, that's a death.

754
00:53:59,578 --> 00:54:02,378
We are experiencing death
in many different ways.

755
00:54:02,928 --> 00:54:06,098
of ourselves and of our
ego throughout our lives.

756
00:54:06,168 --> 00:54:09,728
And it's part of the
calcination of alchemy.

757
00:54:09,758 --> 00:54:15,278
Like we discussed in the alchemy episode,
it's part of the process of purification

758
00:54:15,278 --> 00:54:22,908
that we need to go through to become our
absolute philosopher stone authentic self.

759
00:54:22,958 --> 00:54:26,428
The part of us that never changes the
part of us that's the pure and whole part.

760
00:54:27,418 --> 00:54:31,148
And whether we get to be that after
we die, or we get to experience it in

761
00:54:31,158 --> 00:54:35,733
little moments of heaven throughout
our lives, living our lives.

762
00:54:37,153 --> 00:54:42,173
I do believe that and I do know
I've experienced it and I can bet

763
00:54:42,243 --> 00:54:44,663
that anybody listening to me right
now has experienced that too.

764
00:54:45,943 --> 00:54:48,423
So allow yourself to be
comfortable with death.

765
00:54:48,893 --> 00:54:53,953
Allow yourself to face it even when
it's uncomfortable to think about and

766
00:54:53,953 --> 00:54:58,993
that aging and mortality and cemeteries.

767
00:54:59,978 --> 00:55:05,588
won't scare you when you have a
really good relationship with death.

768
00:55:06,488 --> 00:55:09,528
Maybe seek out a death doula if
you're still feeling uncomfortable.

769
00:55:09,528 --> 00:55:11,568
I think that'd be a great idea.

770
00:55:12,638 --> 00:55:16,603
All right, so to finish things up,
I would like to thank Just Blane and

771
00:55:16,603 --> 00:55:20,423
Ride the Wave Media for producing
and putting out this podcast.

772
00:55:20,473 --> 00:55:23,993
If you want to check out any of
the other amazing podcasts that are

773
00:55:23,993 --> 00:55:29,103
available, find Ride the Wave Media on
YouTube or where you get your podcasts.

774
00:55:29,823 --> 00:55:35,213
Many of my good friends are in my, uh,
are in my social network, are in my

775
00:55:35,213 --> 00:55:40,593
podcast network and have podcasts and
um, have been guests here on my podcast.

776
00:55:40,783 --> 00:55:44,503
And they have amazing content
that you should seek out because

777
00:55:44,513 --> 00:55:45,723
it's all a little bit magical.

778
00:55:47,273 --> 00:55:49,373
I use magic every day.

779
00:55:50,783 --> 00:55:55,343
I hope that you use this podcast,
this experience to create magic in

780
00:55:55,343 --> 00:55:59,273
everyday life, to strengthen your
relationships, to heal, to prosper,

781
00:55:59,423 --> 00:56:04,463
to thrive, and to have a great 2025.

782
00:56:07,723 --> 00:56:13,323
You can find me and the work
that I do on Prism Healing.

783
00:56:14,323 --> 00:56:16,753
My website is prism healing.com.

784
00:56:17,703 --> 00:56:20,643
My Instagram is Prism underscore healing.

785
00:56:21,213 --> 00:56:24,433
My Facebook is Courtney
Pearls Prism Healing.

786
00:56:25,063 --> 00:56:27,703
In any of those avenues, you can find me.

787
00:56:27,733 --> 00:56:29,723
You can message me questions.

788
00:56:30,308 --> 00:56:32,028
things that you have listened to.

789
00:56:32,478 --> 00:56:37,538
And please make sure that when you
are watching this YouTube video or

790
00:56:37,538 --> 00:56:41,098
listening on Spotify or wherever
you're listening to this podcast, that

791
00:56:41,098 --> 00:56:45,148
you like, subscribe, and even share
episodes that are meaningful to you

792
00:56:45,348 --> 00:56:47,028
with someone you think it will help.

793
00:56:47,498 --> 00:56:50,618
That is why I create this
content is to help people.

794
00:56:50,688 --> 00:56:55,278
And if any of the content or
experiences that I. Can put out there

795
00:56:55,278 --> 00:56:56,658
in the world that might help you.

796
00:56:57,168 --> 00:56:58,308
That is why I do this work.

797
00:56:58,788 --> 00:57:02,998
And if you'd like to support this
podcast further, you can leave a review.

798
00:57:03,278 --> 00:57:09,108
You can, um, Well, just liking and
subscribing is actually a great

799
00:57:09,108 --> 00:57:12,118
way to support this podcast, but
you can also become a sponsor.

800
00:57:12,118 --> 00:57:15,368
If you would like, if you have a business
and you would like me to mention or create

801
00:57:15,368 --> 00:57:18,878
a promotion for your business and you
want to sponsor the work that we do here,

802
00:57:19,478 --> 00:57:25,448
reach out to us and let And until next
time, witches and wizards, go make magic.